Lets talk about "the breakup leftovers":
Definition: anything you have from a previous relationship {i.e. notes, pictures, jewelry, gifts}
First off, let me say that I never planed on discussing my breakup leftovers, but through my own experience with them I have come to the conclusion that we as people don't discuss it. These remnants of relationship's past are like dirty secrets we tuck away to avoid admitting to ourselves or the people around us that we still have them.
Well I am here to talk about them. Lets bust those little secrets wide open, shall we?
Confession; the day my year and a half relationship ended I packed up EVERYTHING that reminded me of him. Literally everything. I stored it in the shed and pretended it didn't exist for 6 months. And if I found any stragglers, they were thrown in a drawer that was never opened.
On those weak days, I was thankful I made everything "disappear" while I was still numb, this way I couldn't pull everything out and have a good cry. I was forced to push through it. And on those angry days, I was glad everything was put away so I couldn't do anything rash out of emotion {these rash actions could include fire, just saying}. And on those good days, nothing was around that could physically remind me of the heart ache.
I always knew the leftovers were there, but I could easily ignore them. It was a good system.
On what would have been my 2 year anniversary I had an overwhelming urge to pull everything down from the shed and go through it. I know the date is odd, but it had been 6 months and I felt I was finally strong enough to go through the leftovers and remnants. I wanted to sort through it all and decide what to keep, if anything was worth keeping.
Here is where things get sticky, there is no "how to" manual on this sort of thing. There isn't a nice little checklist that has a bunch of nice little boxes in columns of keep, donate, or throw away.
Somethings are easy to get rid of. Take for example my giant teddy bear, he had been stuffed into what looked like a body bag for 6 months, it was so pitiful I felt terrible. I was thankful when my mom brought up the idea to take him to her elementary library, I am happy he has a new home with so many happy little faces to love on him. But other things are more difficult to decide what to do with, promise rings and old letters fall into this category. At the time they were given and written, there was true meaning behind them. So whats a girl to do with them?
And this is my conclusion: If you like it, keep it.
Simple. And not confusing.
Which is what any girl needs, am right?
Keeping something a once significant other gave to you, doesn't mean you are still in love with them. It only means you liked the gift. Period.
I don't understand, why we make things like this into such big issues. We stress ourselves out over deciding what to keep and figuring out how to explain those items down the line.
One day, I think it may be fun to tell my future daughter about the guy who made me a jewelry box with his own hands and the sweet letters he wrote me. I want her to know I cared for him and he meant something to me. I want her to see, its okay to love someone and its also okay if that someone doesn't become your one and only.
So what if its my past? These memories are part of what made me, me.
They are just physical memories that I am lucky to have.
So here is my haphazard, somewhat of a checklist:
1. allow time to heal. {hide these things away. lock them in a safe or in trust your bestfriend with them, until you are ready.} There is no "right" time to deal with these memories, it is all up to you.
1 1/2. Pray before you begin. Ask for peace and contentment. Jesus will hold your hand. Promise.
2. Make sure to have an awesome rom-com playing in the back round {preferably one that makes you laugh} and a hot cup of tea to sip as you go. Laughter and tea are always good.
3.If you still think the gift is cool, don't over think it. Keep it. And if down the road you change your mind, then you changed your mind. No big deal.
4. Display them or keep them in a box. Whatever feels right. Don't let the fear of someone asking where it came from keep you from enjoying it, its a simple answer. "So and so gave it to me."
5. Enjoy the walk through memory lane. You once enjoyed making these memories tremendously, so why not have a little fun remembering back?
"I know that sometimes I drive her up the wall, and I can be a complete royal pain in the ass, but she still loves me, and I sure as hell still love her, even if she does make me crazy sometimes (ALOT). Even with our arguments and disagreements, I've never once doubted my love for her."-Our Story, as told by Parker Smith.
I still love this story and this line. It makes me laugh and remember what was. It was true and real. And that's all that matters.
So here's looking at you, kid. Thanks for the memories.
...
I thankful that I allowed myself this time of healing and remembering. I can genuinely say I will relish this learning experience.
If you have a way you dealt with the breakup leftovers, please share!
