{Adjusting}

Adjust: Verb

(used with object)

to change (something) so that it fits, corresponds, or conforms; adapt; accommodate.

To say I am completely adjusted is quite the exaggeration.

It has been a month, folks.

Whats been a month you ask? Read here.

Anyway, I have been avoiding this update because I would have to dig deep and share with you more of my raw human emotion. Which we all know, I have a lot of. (insert laughter)

...

I stared out this post with the definition of the word Adjust because I found it interesting that it is often used with the word object. As in to adjust to something, first you have to object to adjusting.

Go figure.

Well lets be honest, I like to object this.

It wasn't my choice and I don't like it.

I have a small notebook that I wrote down my thoughts day by day on how I was feeling in that minute.

Lets dive in shall we.

The first week of adjusting I was numb and confused.

up at 6:40. had a hard time getting through devotional.hard to concentrate.

wonder what he is doing?

trying not to bring him up in random conversations--failing miserably!

The next week and a half of adjusting I felt like I could take this all on. It wasn't bothering me too much. Although, thoughts of objecting still snuck in.

checked facebook,found posts of encouragement.

doing my best not to focus on him today.---what is he doing?

spent today in thought about missing what could of been then actually missing him. that was hard to swallow.

And then three weeks came around with the ever present official month looming overhead.

I was feeling more insecure with the whole thing.

A month meant it was really really really over.

A lot of objection happening here.

At this point I had stopped writing my thoughts down.

I was fine, remember?

Not.

As the third week rolled on, I was feeling a bit woe as me, but I was trying to ignore it.

So while mindlessly scrolling through facebook I see one of my friends had received a promise ring from her boyfriend.

I lost it.

Now before I go on, you must know I love my friend and I am very happy for her. I pray that this relationship will honor God and He will bless them greatly.

But my flesh took over for the minute and I broke down.

I thought--We were together longer! That should have been me! or the typical this isn't fair!

I know, I was real original.

While in the middle of my pitty party, the Lord prompted me to bring my tears into the bible.

So I went to Ecclesiastes 3.

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Ecc. 3:1-4

These lines validated my heart ache.

The Lord says we can have a time to heal, a time to cry, a time to grieve, laugh, and dance.

Basically, a time to object and adjust.

Thank you Lord!

What a sweet blessing from Him.

Like I said, obviously I am not completely adjusted as of this moment.

But I am working on it.

I give it to the Lord each and every day because without Him, I am not sure how I would be adjusting.

He has a plan for me, and I have to choose to seek that.

Some days that may even mean I am giving it to Him every hour.

We may roll the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall.

Proverbs 16:33

...those who trust the Lord will be joyful

Proverbs 16:20

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?

Proverbs 20:24

And then other days it means, I sit at His feet asking why and sharing with Him my sorrow.

O God, Listen to my cry!

Hear my prayer!

From the ends of the earth I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed.

Psalm 61:1-2

Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.

Proverbs 14:13

So that's where my heart is, friends.

No more objecting.

I'm adjusting.

{Happy Birthday}

 

 

Blunders&Blessings is a year old!

Can you believe it?

I still remember the day I started this blog.

I was nervous.

Feeling a bit unworthy, as if there was nothing I could say on here that was purposeful.

It was created as an experiment.

It was something I wasn't sure I would be able to keep up with.

Never the less, I hit Create and suddenly my words were available for the world to see.

You can read my first post here.

But I wanted to highlight on this part of the post:

 

My Prayer.

I will be shown each of these Blunders & Blessings. And I will be proud in defeat and humble in victory. May my Lord show me his path.

Take this journey with me, I can't promise it will always be exciting or easy, but I can promise there will be joy, sorrow, tears, and love.

This last line hits me right in the heart.

"but I can promise there will be joy, sorrow, tears, and love."

Every word in this sentence has come true, in the most unexpected beautifully messy kind of ways.

And I am thankful.

This blog was created to share in these things, and I am humbled by my opportunity to share them with you.

Sometimes it is still difficult to express everything I am trying to say, but my goodness the Lord has blessed and humbled me by showing me other's reactions through the words He has given me.

Through this blog, He has shaped me.

In these last 365 days I have been able to look back on the words He has laid on my heart and the words others have spoken to me in connection with the posts here.

How grateful I am to know He has chosen to use me through this blog!

Me. The girl who feels some days as if she has nothing to offer through her words.

Yet, He gave me breath and fingers to type to share His word.

So here I am. Typing away for His glory, alone.

Not my own self-worth, but to share His name for who ever may come across this little blog I call home.

Heavenly Father, My prayer is still the same. I ask you to show me my Blunders&Blessings and continue to humble me as I share them for Your Glory. May I be proud in defeat and humble in victory, for I only desire Your will for my life.

Amen.

So Happy Birthday to Blunders&Blessings!

And a Very Merry Unbirthday to all of you!

{From Miles Away}

Greetings from St. Louis!

This past week and a half has been great.

Some much needed time away has been such a blessing.

I plan on giving you the 411 when my feet hit Cali soil again...

But until then, I am soaking up the rest of St. Louie.

Can you tell I am enjoying my stay here?

{Hallways&Isles}

It is always funny how the Lord speaks to me.

While helping Momma out in her Library this past week, I was walking the hall on my way to the cafeteria. Minding my own and focused on my own thoughts.

As I looked up from the ground I noticed a custodian I had met previously, so I smiled at her. She smiled back half chuckling saying "You are always so Smile-y." Not knowing how to respond I said thank you. She then replied "You must have something to smile about." By that time I was at the door of the cafeteria, I smiled at her and quickly walked inside. My first thought to this encounter was, "Lady. You have no clue whats going on in my life. I have acted in plays all through out my school years. I can turn the smile on and off when ever I want. My heart is broken. I am not all smile-y."  Ouch. I know, I was harsh.

As I walked back into the hall headed back towards the Library, I ran into the Computer Science teacher who I had also met previously (I help my mom out in the Library alot during the summer.) I smiled at him. He asked "How are you?" and then very loudly sighed a frustrated sigh. I then chuckled saying "How are you doing?"  in a "I know how you feel tone." He chuckled and walked past.

Once I was back in the Library, those run-ins haunted me.

Both people seemed almost confused why I was smiling.

Heck, sometimes during the day I wonder why I'm smiling.

And then as the day wore on, my brain became busy thinking on other things, so those hallway encounters got set on the back burner.

Now fast forward to the next day.

I was in Target picking up a few things for the house and doing some clearance therapy for myself.

As I was walking through the pantry section, I noticed how absolutely busy every isle was.

It was starting to annoy me when every turn I made gave way to a road block.

I needed De cafe Tea packets and that was all I needed off this particular isle.

But you had a young couple (which they are annoying to me at this point, just because they were a couple in light of recent events) who were standing directly in front of the entrance of the isle and then you had a mom and her three daughters half way down spread across the width of the isle.

So I thought I would be smart and avoid the whole thing while going down the next isle and coming back the other direction.

Half way down the next isle, my brain registers that there is an older gentleman blocking the exit of the isle,

He was looking rather harsh and grumpy. 

I thought "Oh great, here we go again"

So I proceeded to the end of the isle till I couldn't any more and then politely asked excuse me and smiled.

He looked up from the bag of chips he was analyzing with great detail and said "Oh ya" in a brisk tone.

I then smiled again and went to go on my way.

As I was passing him he remarked "Nice smile by the way" in a lighter version of his brisk tone.

Almost to show a smile himself.

I said thank you quickly, and walked into the next isle.

I am sure he could see the shock on my face.

In that, I was instantly reminded of the Hallway encounters from the day before.

The Custodian, Computer Science teacher, and now this guy in the Pantry section at my local Target!

I felt the Lord tug at my heart,

You silly girl. Of course you have something to smile about. Not everything depends on the things that happen to you in this world. I am the reason you should continue to smile. I know everything that will happen to you on this earth. I have a plan for you. You don't know what that is yet, but that's how I like it. You have to trust in me. Completely. I have you just where I want you. Now smile, because you share My love with others even when you are sad and down.

And as we worshiped this morning in Church : "Child of weakness watch and pray. Find in me thine all in all."

Whoa.

How easily I can lose my place.

Of course, He is the reason I need to smile.

For His heartache is far worse than mine will ever be.

He ached for my ransom on that cross.

He aches for those who will never know him.

He carries the burdens of the world on his shoulders.

How can my heartache even come close?

If He chooses to use my smile to brighten other's days and make them wonder why I am always so "Smile-y" even when I don't feel like it, I need to smile.

We as Christians exude His love, we can't chose to not show it.

It isn't our love to freely chose who to give it to.

He may not have even used my smile for me that day, he could have only made me smile because the ones I encountered needed a smiling face to see.

Who knows.

I am in no place to interpret the reasons God does certain things.

All I know is, I was blessed by this.

And I pray the others were as well. 

****Update****

Yesterday, I was blessed again by my previous hallway encounter, the Computer Science teacher.

While helping Momma in the Library, he came into Chat.

During our time he mentioned that last week (the week we crossed paths in the hallways) that his Cousin who was serving over seas was killed in combat and last week was the young man's funeral.

He expressed how much it affected him and how hard last week was for him.

It just once again cements the fact that we need to be in the moment.

Worship God.

Always keep our eyes out, because we never know what others are going through.

And continue to smile.

{Promises}

I was blessed this past June to co-lead a group of third graders with my Momma for our Vacation Bible School at my church.

Every year I am left in awe with these sweet children of the Lord.

The way they sing the worship songs and do the movements to the music.

The way they soak up information like a sponge and yearn to learn more and more.

They way their eyes look as they arrive and get ready to leave, wide eyed and full of excitement.

The way they pray.

This year our theme was, Promise Island.

Basically, It was the promises God made to us.

It was so awesome seeing the bible through their eyes.

It was almost as if I was learning these promises all over again.

Promises like:

I am with You

I care about You

I give you what You need

I will Save You

and

I will answer You

It was an amazing week hearing and seeing God work in those sweet little ones lives and in my life as well.

I found myself seeing God's I will statements more and more in my bible reading.

How awesome is that. To see our Maker and Creator tell us things that are for certain, in this ever uncertain world. 

It comforts my heart.

Even more now, in light of certain events. {If you missed that post, read here }

As of late, I had three empty picture frames. Two on my wall and one next to my bed.

They had become heart aches really, and I needed something to fill them so my heart would be distracted when I looked into them.

Thus led me on the hunt scouring Pinterest for prints to fill them.

I had alot of ideas, but none were really sticking.

Until I found these two Verses.

Two I will statements from the Lord to comfort me.

I have to focus on these promises, these are the only promises that matter in life.

All other promises made by humans could and most of the time will leave you let down and unsatisfied.

Promises from Jesus never will.

My heart is overwhelmed just thinking of that.

...

Now because I can never be exactly the same as others and because my printer (little to my knowledge) was out of ink, the prints have my own spin on them.

Remember this one was supposed to be that pretty Yellow? Yep no color ink, no pretty yellow. So instead I took some stamping chalk and lightly colored in the back round with a pretty peach and the dandelions are a soft and very pretty grey/purple. All in all I love the way this turned out.

This print also required color in it for the cute little pink heart and brown back round. Once again, the printer was out of ink so I improvised. I cut out the main part and glued it to the pretty piece of toffee colored scrap book paper. I also am very pleased with this one.

...

I am still on the look out to fill my last frame, but until then I will find comfort in these promises.

If you have and ideas for another print, let me know!





{Why, Lord}

Before I give you my thoughts for this post, I need to give you a back story first.

Last April, I went on Women's Retreat with my church. A beautiful woman spoke beautiful words to my heart and reminded me that the Lord's plan for my life is what I am to seek constantly. During our weekend on the mountain I shared with the women in my church that I was unsure of where the Lord was taking me in my life and what He wanted from me. And as I was speaking, tears brimmed my eyes as I spoke the words It is Well with my Soul. Whatever He had for me, I was going to repeat those words. Little did I know then....

Now four months later, I find myself saying those same words to something I never thought I would have to.

Or ever want to.

My boyfriend of almost a year and a half came to me about a week ago to inform me that he had felt the Lord tell him he was not the one for me and I was not the one for him. And that he felt he could no longer date me. My world is shattered. We made plans and dreamed together. I had a future life already laid out. In no way did I feel as if the Lord was directing us on different paths.  

Now, in all honesty I am saying It is Well with my Soul.

But, I am also asking why?

There are so many whys, I think I would run out of space trying to list them all.

I feel as if I still haven't completely wrapped my head or heart around it.

I am desperately trying to seek my Lord in this and give it all to Him, but I am struggling to not focus on my plans and my dreams. I am here to live a life for God, not for my own wishes.

Which is extremely hard to do, if I do say so myself,

I am broken hearted and struggling not to tear up and any moment.

Little things hit me in the biggest ways, and that's what makes it hard.

So friends, I express my heart with you because this blog was created to share in everything. The Happiness and Sadness.

I also ask you for prayer. For me, as well as him. I know he did truly love and care about me, so I can only imagine how he is feeling in all of this.

It is going to be a long process, and I sure you will share in my trials with this again.

My only prayer is that I will praise God in all of this.

That He will say to me one day, "Well done, my good and faithful Servant"

So I will meet Him at the cross daily saying,

It is Well with my Soul.

{Each Morning}

--A typical morning for me includes this view, Pajamas in bed with my laptop along with my journal, bible, pens/highlighters, memory verse cards, while sitting crisscross apple sauce--

This morning, I completed my second study with SheReadsTruth.

That means, I have completed 42 solid days (21 days each study) in the bible.

I am proud of myself, for getting in to a routine and sticking to it.

I am blessed by knowing that women all around the world are doing this with me and feeling the Lord working truly in it.

It is awe inspiring.

Our new study starts on Monday August 5th, please join me!