{Why, Lord}

Before I give you my thoughts for this post, I need to give you a back story first.

Last April, I went on Women's Retreat with my church. A beautiful woman spoke beautiful words to my heart and reminded me that the Lord's plan for my life is what I am to seek constantly. During our weekend on the mountain I shared with the women in my church that I was unsure of where the Lord was taking me in my life and what He wanted from me. And as I was speaking, tears brimmed my eyes as I spoke the words It is Well with my Soul. Whatever He had for me, I was going to repeat those words. Little did I know then....

Now four months later, I find myself saying those same words to something I never thought I would have to.

Or ever want to.

My boyfriend of almost a year and a half came to me about a week ago to inform me that he had felt the Lord tell him he was not the one for me and I was not the one for him. And that he felt he could no longer date me. My world is shattered. We made plans and dreamed together. I had a future life already laid out. In no way did I feel as if the Lord was directing us on different paths.  

Now, in all honesty I am saying It is Well with my Soul.

But, I am also asking why?

There are so many whys, I think I would run out of space trying to list them all.

I feel as if I still haven't completely wrapped my head or heart around it.

I am desperately trying to seek my Lord in this and give it all to Him, but I am struggling to not focus on my plans and my dreams. I am here to live a life for God, not for my own wishes.

Which is extremely hard to do, if I do say so myself,

I am broken hearted and struggling not to tear up and any moment.

Little things hit me in the biggest ways, and that's what makes it hard.

So friends, I express my heart with you because this blog was created to share in everything. The Happiness and Sadness.

I also ask you for prayer. For me, as well as him. I know he did truly love and care about me, so I can only imagine how he is feeling in all of this.

It is going to be a long process, and I sure you will share in my trials with this again.

My only prayer is that I will praise God in all of this.

That He will say to me one day, "Well done, my good and faithful Servant"

So I will meet Him at the cross daily saying,

It is Well with my Soul.