Today's Nineveh

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Jonah 3+4. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

I live near a city that resembles something similar to a modern day Nineveh. It is full of broken, messy people. Many of them break the law and hurt those around them. It is a city that many avoid. 

Recently, I was reminded how Jonah like I can be. As I sat in front of a house with a van filled with trash and a roof covered in tarps, I questioned how I would react in a Chapter 3-4 situation. 

"Up on your feet and on your way to the big city of Nineveh! Preach to them. They're in a bad way and I can't ignore it any longer." Jonah 3:2 MSG

"Jonah entered the city, went one day's walk and preached, 'in forty days Nineveh will be smashed.'" Jonah 3:4 MSG

Sure I may listen to the Lord and follow his path to a broken city, but as soon as the Lord's original plan changes I feel I would react in a similar fashion to Jonah's, dare I say it?, Drama Queen antics. 

"Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, 'God! I knew it- when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!" Jonah 4: 1-2

As soon as grace shows up, boom. How dare God 1) change His plan and 2) DO what we love most about Him for people "far worse than us." Jonah flat calls God out as if this whole forgiveness thing is the worst thing that could ever happen. He goes as far to say, "So, God, if you won't kill them, kill me! I'm better off dead!" Jonah 4:3 

Gee, again I state, DRAMA QUEEN. But. Y'all, I have this deep gut wrenching feeling in my stomach that I may react/have reacted in a similar way. Somewhere in our rotten flesh we sometimes feel we are the only ones deserving of God's mercy. We (I) forget that he pulled us (me) out of our (my) own fish's belly when we (I) messed up, and we are (I am) most likely only one choice away from being in that place again. Because, frankly, we deserve to be apart of God's original plan for Nineveh. 

And yet, the Lord still showed a great deal of grace to Jonah in his fit. "Is it right for you to be angry about this?" Jonah 4:4 NLT He didn't anger, but gently tried to remind Jonah of the great love He bestows.

But that didn't work, and neither did the tree. 

I absolutely hate leaving Jonah's story like this. I often wonder what happened to him, did he ever snap out of it? Did he ever "get it?" 

I question if i'll ever truly get that I am not worthy of grace and mercy. 

Yet I know through all my imperfections and the imperfections of those around me (even in harsh cities), Jesus is still there gently reminding us of His love for us all, dusting us off, breaking us down, and sending us out for His glory.

This story wrecks me every single time I read it. It is a raw reminder to get off my high horse and open my eyes. Jesus is for the broken, that's me, you, and those we consider the worst. 

Lord, I am broken. I struggle to live and love the way you have done and do for us. Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers. Thank you for Jonah, thank you for giving us his story to remind us of our own actions and reactions. Prompt our hearts to seek your mercy as we go out into the world today. Amen. 

being the hands and feet for ONE

Being the hands and feet of Jesus is one of the craziest experiences one can ever do. The tasks can be small and some can seem impossible, yet the reward is immeasurable.Sometimes the task is a smile, holding a baby so a tired momma can sit in service to worship, being a listening ear for a few hours over coffee, taking food to the homeless, or using the talents the Lord has given you to help those thousands of miles away. 

No. 41 is an organization who has been the ever present hands and feet of Jesus in Kenya Rwanda (like the silly person that I am, I originally had Kenya there. Too late of writing and Hope for Migori are to blame. I'll explain later about HFM.) The name literally means "for one," for one child for one meal for one year.The women of No. 41 make beautiful handmade bags that work to provide meals for school children for a whole year and employing women with sustainable incomes. That original ONE became over 900 children and over 30 employed women, 19 of them attending the university. And it all has stolen my heart. 

I first heard about the organization when I was blessed with a No.41 bag back in 2012, with a tiny tag that read "Fanny" in penciled handwriting. It became personal for me at that moment, I felt that a bond had been made. Hands thousands of miles away had crafted this bag, all by the glory of God, for me. I couldn't see her face, but I knew in my heart this woman, Fanny, was a world changer and No.41 had began that process. Since then, No.41 has grown leaps and bounds and faces with names have appeared. Still, I have that tiny blue tag hanging on my wall as a reminder to be active and alive- serving the Kingdom. 

On April 1st (4/1...get it?), the organization is hosting the second annual 41 Day of fasting and fundraising annnnnnnnd we have the opportunity to partner with them to stand up for ONE more. 

I happen to be a full time college student without a part time job, so every year I try to find a way to still support and this year the Lord placed it on my heart to go big. 

She Felt Lovely (my instagram shop) will be selling special No. 41 headbands along with other headbands from now until April 1st at the cost that will feed a child for a month, with all proceeds going to No.41. So follow the shop and look around to be apart of filling a child's belly!

You can also purchase a bag or a t-shirt from No.41 to donate even further!

No.41 headbands for dayssss.

I pledge to stand up for ONE. How about you? Will you join this fight for full bellies and empowered women? 

I am so excited to see what the Lord continues to do through No.41 and those who work to be the active hands and feet of Jesus! 

Learn more about No.41 here or watch the video below. 

but the Lord

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Jonah 1+2. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

I love the buts in this story. They are soaked in God's mercy and dripping in His grace. 

"But the Lord hurled a powerful wind over the sea, causing a violent storm that threatened to break the ship apart." Jonah 1: 4 NLT 

Even though Jonah had just hopped on a boat with a "peace out, Lord. That job is just too big and messy. I ain't doing it." attitude in the verse previous, the Lord still wanted him and was going to pursue Jonah to the very edges of the Earth. 

The Lord was there, in Jonah's absolute refusal. 

Even when the ship began to rock and the sailors became terrified and Jonah knew the whole thing was his fault and told them so.

"Jonah said, "Throw me overboard, into the sea. Then the storm will stop. It's all my fault. I'm the cause of the storm. Get rid of me and you'll get rid of the storm. But no. The men tried rowing back to shore. They made no headway. The storm only got worse and worse, wild and raging." Jonah 1:13-14 MSG

I sometimes feel like the sailors here, I can see the fix to a problem (God) and yet I still row and row and row. I fight against the wild and raging things because it feels easier then to let go and follow after God. 

But. The Lord was there, in the midst of the stubbornness and fight. When the sailors finally let go and stopped rowing against the pointlessness, they were amazed by God's great power as the storm ceased and Jonah sank to be swallowed by the fish. 

And even there, in the big ol' belly of that appointed fish, Jonah sees the Lord. 

"But I'm worshiping you, God, 

calling out in thanksgiving!

And I'll do what I promised i'd do!

Salvation belongs to God."

Jonah 2: 9 MSG

Jonah knows he's messed up big time. He's had time to think it over, (I mean, what else is there to do in the belly of a fish?) at his absolute worst the God who created the heavens and the Earth still heard his cries and rescued him. 

The Lord was there, as Jonah began the process of running back. He still wanted Jonah. He still had a purpose and a plan for him. No matter how far Jonah would run from the Lord, he would still chase hard after him and begin with mercies anew. 

He does that for us too. He wants us. He has called us. No matter how far we run into the wild and raging winds, it will never be too far for God to dust us off and use us for His glory. He is still there, chasing wildly after us. 

If our stories were being written like Jonah's, on those pages, in between the the messiness and the imperfections, there would still be "but the Lord..." 

Thank you, Jesus! Amen. 

remember me

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Psalm 38. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

David is a flat out hurting, broken mess in this, y'all. He is pleading for rest and healing. He is ridden with disease, no one wants to be around him, and the ones that get even remotely close to his being make fun of his love for God. He's beaten down and losing it, yet he cries out from the depths of his soul for God to remember him.

He doesn't curse God for allowing this turmoil to take place in his life. Instead, he waits in earnest patience and obedience.

I don't hear a word they say,
don't speak a word in response.
What I do, God, is wait for you,
wait for my Lord, my God - you will answer!
Psalm 38: 14-15 (the message)

I don't know about you, but I'm not sure I would be so obedient and trusting. I spew at the mouth when i'm angry and hurt. I question and whine when I don't understand. I become woe is me and defensive when someone has not met my expectations.

And though I know David believed and acted in obedient and patient ways, I also know he was human and thoughts like this must have welled up inside him once in awhile.

BUT. He also knew deep down in his heart of hearts,

You know what I long for Lord;
You hear my every sigh. 
Psalm 38: 9 (new living translation)

And it's true. It's all true. This Almighty God whom David clung to in his ache, the one who he searched for in desperation, also hears every sigh we let out in our exasperated moments.

We know this. We have to trust in this, even when we aren't getting a response when we want it or feel we need it.

The Lord has His timing and we are to wait in earnest patience and obedience.

Even though our flesh cries out in anguish and the messy parts of our lives seem to get even messier. We wait. Just as David did.

So however this finds you today, cheerful and rested or in the gray of despair, lets cling to this truth.

The Lord hears us. Let us draw near to Him and share our woes. He is our great comfort, even in our trenches.

artful worship

It's Thursday. I'm in the library. I just finished my last Oral Interpretation class for the quarter. And I'd thought i'd tell you all a story.

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of the post, how's about a run down of the course? 

Oral interpretation is basically about learning how to tell stories to an audience. Whether a poem or a children's book, it's about making the story and its characters come to life. My professor taught it from a Drama perspective, so we also got to do duo drama scenes and readers theater projects. 

Okay, now onto the main point. 

I love theater and performing, I was in drama all throughout high school, but this class shook me. In a good kind of all-shook up way. 

y'all, I loved and learned in this class more than I thought I ever could. Sure I knew what I was doing on stage from past experiences, but something about the setting or the way it was taught gave me a chance to soak it all in. 

You see part of my problem was, I HATED vocal/warm up exercises in the past. I loathed them, actually. In my opinion, they were silly and obnoxious. What. Was. The. Point. I can be a pretty serious individual and these things just seemed flat out ridiculous to me. 

Low and behold, in this class my professor started every single class with these very things. Early on I had to consciously make the decision to roll with the punches and DO them. No ifs, ands, or buts.  And you know what? I fell in love with them. They were relaxing, rejuvenating, and focusing for the task at hand. I let loose, made some funny noises with my voice, and sure as heck looked like an idiot, yet it was good. I freed myself from the handicapping fear of looking silly and it opened me up to experiencing the class fully.

I remembered how much I missed the stage and the rush of excitement and pure chaos it ensues inside of you. This class gave me a reason to live this feeling again. I was blessed with great partners and enjoyed the time we had to work on our scenes and develop our characters. 

Today, for our last performance I left it all on the stage. I was silly, exaggerated, and didn't hold back like the old Clarissa would have done. It was just what the scene was asking for and all that the character needed. I left sweaty and out of breath, absolutely on fire for future performances. It was something I hadn't felt in a long while. 

I never expected glean so much from this course as I did, but boy, am I glad I opened up my expectations to the blessings the Lord had for me in this class. If anything, throughout college He has taught me to not be so up tight about the little things. I still struggle to do this, but He is loving me and blessing me with classes like this one to learn and grow. 

Recently my friend said Followers of Christ have the most reason of all people to be at the forefront of the arts...because when we create, we worship. And I couldn't agree more. 

One day I'll know how the Lord wants me to use my talents to communicate His love, until then, I'll seek earnestly all the possible paths that my talents employ. If that means one day I'll tell stories and act for His kingdom, awesome. If not, I'll follow His will and be the silliest [with in reason, I'm still pretty type A] mom/storyteller around. I can't wait to see the tears of shame and embarrassment my future children will cry :)  

a graceful habit

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Psalm 130. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance?

As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that is why you are worshiped. 

Psalms 130:3-4, the message

I absolutely love the promises of grace and mercy that drips from this passage and the honest, raw heart that speaks through it.

I can't remember the last time I consciously hoped in something that had me waiting and watching till morning,with that can't sleep, sitting on the edge of your seat, feeling. 

But grace and mercy, y'all i'm seeking that minute by minute. I cry out in mercy something fierce, my life a prayer full of broken sentences and desperate pleas. From hurtful thoughts to absolute dropped-the-ball blunders, i'm there begging just for a little more grace and forgiveness. 

Yet He never stops listening. He hears every word down to the last syllable. 

I never need too much grace that He stops giving. It's in fact the exact opposite, the grace is endless for a continuously broken being. 

His arrival comes with love and generous redemption (Psalms 130:7, the message.) It overflows, it's unfailing. We can set our hopes of the day and the faith of our life in this perfect endless love. 

And for that, my heart will sing no other name. 

Lord, help us to put our hope in you today. Let us be enveloped by your grace and calmed by your mercy. You love us more than our earthly souls can ever imagine and for that we worship you and seek to bring you glory. Thank you for forgiving me and reminding me of this sweet truth daily. 

Amen? Amen. 

Be blessed today, sisters. 

getting fresh

Hey ladies! If you are here for She Shares Truth. Click on the home tab for my post about Psalm 130. I accidentally linked the wrong post! ;) 

Its been quiet here for about 3 months. The name has changed and so has the look. 

Winter left me feeling without words and inadequate with the ones I did have. The cobwebs began to assemble in the corners and dust seemed to settle on the space. 

Finally a few weeks ago, I felt a stirring that resembled something like spring cleaning. I needed new. I needed change. I wanted this space to feel intentional again. 

So here we are, friends. 

The name has changed to something that feels more me. I loved Blunders and Blessings, but I see myself representing more of the "Clarissa doesn't explain it all" category. 

[Which is a pun off of the 90's show Clarissa Explains it All. Read more on that here.]

I'm broken and messy. I have no clue most of the time and I struggle to do life intentionally well. I don't know how to really truly explain anything. BUT. I know a God who does and this is what this space is for. To share of His grace and mercy. 

Like this sweet yellow flower, blooming in what was an early spring, it is time to start over, again. 

Thanks for sticking around while I was gone. I'm back and excited to fill up this new space.