thoughts on being twenty-one

My birthday was on the 9th, yet here I am blogging about it a week later, mostly because my life is hectic and I just ended up with a random amount of time with no homework, a venti Americano and nothing that really needs to have my attention at the moment. It all feels a bit strange, (but, yay for blogging!) 

Life is a crazy pile of mess, its intense, insanely exceptional, and has the habit of aging you. I love that it has that ability, but every year around this time while the minutes tick away on the eve before my birthday I get a little nervous like I forgotten something. Like a to do list was left unchecked or I wasn't present for something big. And in those moments, right before starting a new chapter, I get this intense urge to rush-to tidy-to mend-to prep, to do all the things I "forgot" to do within that year.

Of course because it is impossible to do all the things in minutes, I usually end up entering a new year feeling restless and behind. 

This year wasn't much different, I sort of hurried into the new year rushing around prepping for a huge birthday project and it wasn't until around midnight, when I got my first "happy birthday" text, that I realized everything had already begun. I sort of felt like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, "I'm late! I'm late for a very important date!" 

Yet I felt like I was being prepared for this feeling of lateness and rush over the last few months. The idea of being meant for a time such as this has been hitting me hard over the last 6-8 weeks. 

Even though life is a whirlwind and I never quite feel ready or on top of it, I am meant for a time such as this. 

For these days.

For this school.

For these moments.

For this region.

For these people.

For this economy.

It all plays a factor and a role, and I only have these moments, albeit fleeting, to live them. So yeah, maybe my space is a wreck, my nails aren't painted, I'm behind on work, and I'm basically running on starbucks and a prayer- but i'm here doing life.  Some days better than others, I must say, but living it nonetheless.

So this year, my one and only goal is to focus on the fact that I am here for the "such times" as this in life and to use every fiber in my being to do them well. Not on time or perfect, just knee deep in the mess with a graceful understanding of the beauty that is living. 

I'm excited for the road ahead in this new year and the adventures that will ensue as I journey down it. 

See ya back here next year, Lord willing!