{the tunnel}

Before we even begin I must inform you, I am attempting to write this post with wet/partially dry nails...okay here it goes.

I have officially completed 2 years of college, which means I am a Junior at a four year university. Can I get a thank you Jesus? and an Amen? For real, these two year have been long, rough at times, and an honest to goodness continued prayer of "ugh Lord, I don't loveeeeee this." If you have been around the blog awhile, you know this. Well.

It has been sort of like a tunnel. Ya know, those really long ones where you hold your breath and don't let go until you have reached the end? {Please tell me you have done that...} I started college knowing it was going to be a long journey with a few points of frustration + desperation, but two years in, I have had ALOT more frustrations and points of desperation then I ever expected and times where I was holding my breath {figuratively + physically} waiting for God to answer or things to happen. Needless to say, there have been moments when I thought this tunnel was never going to end.

Well I am pleased to say, I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I mean, come this time in 2 years I will be a college graduate with a BA in Communications, and that my friends is pretty cool. For this goal setting gal right here, it means I am half way done. I have already completed two years, so I know I can do two more. Say what?

I know I haven't reached the end yet so I fully intend to encounter more frustration, but I also see where I have come from. The Lord has used these two years to break me and shape me, and to physically see that is pretty awesome. I haven't always enjoyed the learning curve, but I am sure finding joy in the results. My prayer come this Fall, is that the Lord will continue to mold me into who He wants me to be and that He will open doors for possibilities I couldn't even have dreamed of. There is a sweet sweet light at the end of my tunnel, and I am running for it. Whether it be in College or my life, I want to search for that light and come out the other side restored of breath knowing I was wrung out of every drop of glory for my Savior's Kingdom.

Thank you friends + family for your continued support and love. I could not accomplish this immense task without y'all. We still have 2 years, so let's hit the ground running shall we?

p.s. I wrote this post without a single smudge. Success.

{wrecked by grace}

In honor of the #shereadstruth first anniversary, I wanted to link up and share what has blessed me through this community. First I must tell you, I tried to make a vlog with no such luck. And to be honest I made multiple videos and struggled. I did not want my effort to be in vain because I glorified myself. So you get my words, typed with fingers who can be real honest when they aren't trying to impress.

So if I'm being real honest, I'd tell you grace is the lesson I was wrecked with. I joined the community early last July. I was seeking a way to play the part of the perfect Christian young adult who had spent her whole life within the church. I wasn't really in the word and neither was my life reflecting the heart of a Christ centered individual. On the surface I didn't see that this was the true reason I joined the community, but deep deep deep down that excuse was there.

In late July, everything came to ahead. My relationship with my high school sweetheart was on it's downward slide and I was struggling with having to go back to school in the Fall. Yet I was still going through the motions, letting everything just sort of soak in. When the relationship ended and school was almost unbearable, the Lord started his process of wrecking me with His grace, all through the SRT community. Through the honesty of the writers and the building of routine I was seeing God's word finally come to be real in my life. It was like the Lord was whispering sweet echos of grace and I was finally starting to listen. He didn't care if I was perfect, He was perfect. He didn't care if I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my life, He already knew what I was going to be at my finish line, a daughter of the King. And He didn't care if I could hold it together every minute of the day, He wanted me to be raw and open. Day after day and month after month, He was still there and so was His grace.

Ever so slowly, my outlook started changing. I changed my major last fall and now feel the Lord's calming in my schooling. There are days where I'm still not a huge fan, but I am constantly reminded every morning that He has a plan and I am just supposed to be honoring Him with that plan{even if He didn't clear it with me first}. And with this sweet release of concern and frustration, He has been able to break and wreck my heart to see a place where it yearns to serve. You see, I have learned I have a passion for precious ones who the world considers the least of these. I want to run and scoop up as many littles who aren't loved and cherished as I can. Desperately. Just to hug them and whisper into their little ears that they are loved by a heavenly Father would be enough, but I have a feeling deep in my soul that tells me He wants more from me. Like a lot more. Now if you had told me this a year ago, I may have smiled, nodded, and chuckled about it later. That's girl's heart was hard. She didn't want to do anything that wasn't the cookie cutter American life style. But boy, the Lord has truly shaken me to my core. I no longer truly want that life, I want one that desperately and unconditionally follows, just to show His grace to others.

Everything was upside down and backwards last year. I wasn't on the path that the Lord longed for me to follow, but through His grace He wrecked me for all the right reasons. As I look back, I am oh so grateful for this year of learning and growing in Him. So thank you She Reads Truth for being that steward of His grace and loving on me as He began this process of shaping and changing me, y'all have blessed me in so many ways. You ladies rock!