{For the Ladies}

 

Okay ladies, real talk.

After my own experience(s) and talking to old and new friends lately, I have come to the age old conclusion.

Dolls,We just want to be loved.

Some of us have dated guys who are considered the "bad boys."

Check.

Some of us have dated certain guys just because they paid attention to us. Frankly, we never even really had to "like" them.

Check.

Some of us have dated the same guy over and over again and we are surprised when we come to the very same conclusion that "we just don't work together."

Check.

Some of us have dated guys who meet all of our requirements and yet something is still amiss.

Check.

Some of us have never dated any of these guys, or any guy rather, and we long to date any of the above, no matter which category they fall under.  

Whew. Gals, why do we do this to ourselves? We go through this vicious cycle over and over again, just so we can feel "loved" by a man. We program our emotions to continually take over to the point where we believe we fall somewhere on the "I need a man to feel loved and I am not worthy enough to have the guy God would want for me" scale. Some of us don't lie on the far sides of the scale, but rarely do we ever really land in the happy middle.

Because of our insecurities of wanting to be loved we don't choose to see what God sees. Instead we see what society, our insecurities, ever changing emotions, and our comparisons hold for us.

As stated in one of my all time favorite movies, Sweet Home Alabama:

Jake: What is it about you Southern girls? You can't make the right decisions til you tried all the wrong ones.

Melanie: At least I fight for what I want.

Jake: Oh what do you want, Melanie? I don't even think you know.

It isn't often a handsome southern man tells us this in the rain, but if we are being honest, we could say this is true on at least some accounts in our lives.

We may not know what we want, but we do know we want love. And we will go for that, sometimes where ever we can find it.

Never truly stopping to think, we are made completely whole

 by our heavenly Father's love.

Sure, time to time we accept this notion, yet in a few hours we are onto focusing on the next insecurity that rears it's ugly little head.

Oi. I am thankful to have a heavenly Father that listens to those up and downs. Can you say broken record?

If only we as women would choose to take comfort in our faith alone and be made completely whole.

To make the choice each day, to focus on being made whole by the Lord, only.

Not to allow man or our own emotions to tear us down.

Wouldn't that be just grand?

Well, we all know it ain't (use of "ain't" is only used here for emphasis and the fact that I quoted Sweet Home Alabama, I just can't help it.) going to happen in my lifetime.

So here I sit, a broken woman. A woman that can only find that guy when I choose to see complete wholeness outside my broken self and broken others.

Only when I do this and continually ask for grace in the times I stumble, will the Lord bless me with that guy.

That guy, who takes the time to learn and winds up loving my quirks instead of memorizing a list of them to end up only tolerating them.

That guy, who will love Jesus more than I and will show His love to me daily even when I don't deserve it.

That guy, who will smile and choose to love the fact that I repeat funny lines in movies out loud as I chuckle, right after the actor has delivered them so perfectly. Even though, it will drive him nuts.

That guy, will see my heart in my writing. He may never completely understand why I blog, but he will support me and sit next to me as the soft hum of my keys type in the background. Heck, he may become the topic of some of those very blogs posts, and i'd bet, he would be okay with that too.

That guy, who will go toe to toe with me when my nasty stubborn streak shows up in town. And when I don't play nice, he will play "She is Everything to Me" by Brad Paisley, scoop me up and dance with me in the kitchen,  It'll happen. That is a promise.

That guy, will take in any antique or thrifted item I happen to drag home, even though he will continually state "babe, you don't have a place to put that." He will do it out of the kindness of his heart, because he will know antiques and a good deal warm the cockles of my heart. And in the end, he too will love those items because I love them.

That guy, will love my momma as much as I do. He will dote on her, like a real gentlemen. He will bend over backwards to share his time with my family because he knows they are my life line.

That guy, will open the front door each evening after work and prepare for whatever whim I may be up to and chuckle and smile to himself when I am blue over something not being "just so." He will tip my chin up so that I can see his face and tell me whatever it is, is just fine and to sit down so he can pour me a cup of tea (okay, maybe I am dreaming alittle too hard here, but a girl can dream!) because he knows, that is just me.

We can dream all we want over that guy, but we can't lose sight of our center of completeness. Or else, we may end up with more checks on our list of categorized guys.

For me, I want to find my comfort in completeness of the Lord so I can be that girl, for that guy.

{Communication}

The quarter was officially over last Friday.

Praise the good Lord, He got me through.

He blessed me with a peace and calmness that I had not felt in college yet.

I have cherished this blessing the most.

I can honestly say, in my communication with Him, I chose to worship him in school.

I gave my classes and my assignments over to Him.

I did my very best to let go and see His blessings in the past ten weeks.

And in this time, I came to the fully understanding that I was not being called to be a nurse.

Jesus, was not directing me in that path of education.

When I thought about the task and the schooling, my heart would become heavy.

I love people and helping them in their time of need.

And yet at the same time, I didn't feel like I could do my very best at those things if I became a nurse.

Kind of funny isn't it?

I know.

In all honesty, I have been struggling with my major choice for a good solid six months.

Maybe even longer than that.

Everything sounds great on paper, until you break it down to it's core and analyze it until you feel as if your head wants to explode.

It happens, people.

So this quarter, I knew I had to change my major so that I could start jumping through the new hoops and get the ball rolling.

Gosh, did I struggle.

What was I going to choose?

Where did God want me?

Why was this so difficult?

Lord, why aren't you just dropping hints to where I need to be?

(sheesh, why do I question Him?)

So the quest began and prayers were being said at night before going to bed and muttered under my breath while walking to class as my mind began to stress.

And I can't tell you exactly when where or why, but one day the Lord placed communication on my heart.

I like to communicate.

I like to talk and express my feelings.

I like to hear people talk and express their feelings.

I like to share emotions.

I am learning that I am more like my Momma more and more each day.

I cry. Alot.

And I don't consider this a bad thing.

I am sometimes (most of the time) overwhelmed with emotion, good and bad, and by things that don't even have to concern me.

I like to connect with people.

It brings me true joy when I can share a cup of coffee or stand in a Disneyland line with someone and have a raw conversation.

To communicate with people, is a passion of mine.

As I started to look into communication, I found an emphasis in Public Relations.

And I felt a peace about this.

Now some of you may be thinking, What?

This girl wants to work in Public Relations?

Where people aren't the nicest a very large part of the time?

Yes. Exactly.

I feel one of my talents is communicating with people.

In their time of frustration, I want to be that understanding helpful person.

A person that when they are done needing me they felt that they were truly understood and helped.

I want to show Christ's love in my communication.

I want people to feel his love from the moment they walk up to my desk or wherever I am.

I want them to feel special and important in that moment.

I sometimes feel that we as humans don't do this enough.

We are all so focused on our own agendas and our own needs, we forget in the small moments to stop, breathe, and really take in whats going on around us.

I believe if we all did this more often we wouldn't be on each other's nerves as often.

Go figure.

I am not perfect at this and I need work, but I want to do this for the glory of the Lord.

Through me, He will show His love for people.

It will not be my broken flesh that will perfectly communicate with others, but His wonderful plan will shine through my works.

I pray that the Lord will continue to give me the peace I feel now with this major choice.

I haven't a clue where He will lead me with this degree, but I pray I will open heartedly follow His plan and His purpose for my life where ever that may be.

In that,

I am now a Communications major with an emphasis in Public Relations and a girl who wants desperately to find the purpose God is seeking her life.

Father, lead me to Your heart.

 P.s. I am looking forward to this month of vacation from school. How nice it will be to sleep in!

{Check Up}

Check up on the studies and the heart.

In the beginning of this quarter, I was immediately overwhelmed. I was unhappy at school and frustrated with the classes I was taking. Basically, I was allowing the Devil to steal my joy and take my focus away from where it really needed to be.

To be honest, it got to the point where I was contemplating quiting school all together.

I know, I know I'm a silly girl.

One morning as I was driving to school the Lord tugged at my heart and met me where I was. He reminded me that going to school and getting a four year education was a blessing. And most importantly, while going to school I should be worshiping Him. With this four years of my life I was to honor Him in my studies. Talk about a smack in the face. I was convicted and I chose to change my attitude. Instead of focusing on the impending masses of work and the frustrations of a non Christian college, I decided that I would focus mainly on loving Jesus through this time and giving Him the direction of my life.

And let me tell you friends, that weight that sat on my shoulders just rolled off!

When you aren't stressing about things that don't need to be stressed about, it is amazing how much you can get done.

Go figure.

It is now the end of week eight out of eleven. {yay!} Since I have given up on stressing {remember it is still a work in progress} I have found peace in going to school and getting my four year degree. I find joy in the morning while driving to school as I worship and sing to the Lord while the local Christian radio station plays. I try to look beyond these professor's worldliness and see their enjoyment of the subject they teach. And I focus on the new friendship the Lord has blessed me with at this school. He has brought into my life a lovely lady who loves Him and shares in my same joys and struggles. How awesome is that! Kel, you rock. {I shorten everyone's name. Her full name is Kelly. But her nick name is Kel. Yes friends, at least for me it is}It has been a joy to have classes with you and get to know you in our break times/ Language Lab hours on Fridays. It is going to be a total bummer next quarter not having class with you!

With all this being said, I have found that "in the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed" and that I am learning to live my day(s) with the knowledge that I have a Heavenly Father who already knows where and who I will be at the finish line of my life. He knows all and sees it all. already. There is no reason for me to stress. 

I am making it through these years of school, holding His hand. Because that is the only way I can.

Now considering the matters of my heart, it is much the same. Of course, I am holding the Lord's hand in this matter as well. He knows, I wouldn't have gotten this far without Him.

It has been a long {looooonnnnngggggg...you get the picture} road, but I finally don't feel that deep gut wrenching knock the wind out of ya kinda pain anymore. Some days are still better than others, but I am really okay. The other day was the 14th. Now in the past I would have realized this date was coming up, I would have harped on it and got myself into a tizzy {Hey English major Kel, is that a word?} over it. But, I wrote the date on one of my pages of notes and it took a few minutes for it to sink in that "this would have been our {insert number here} month." And as I sat back, I realized I wasn't waiting for the tears to build up behind my eyelids anymore. I wasn't thinking about what we would have been doing. I wasn't spending the rest of my day thinking about it. I was okay.

I thank God for this simple comfort. I know that because of His mercy and grace, He has loved me through the endless questions of Why and the long nights of tears. And because of this, He is now showing me the blessings of trusting in Him and His plans.

If you would have told me 3 and a half months ago that this day of accepting and okay-ness {now I know that isn't a word} would suddenly wash over me, I would have probably rolled my eyes and said "mmmhmmmm sure." How quickly I forget God's amazing comforts in our time of hurting. I can only pray that if he {Smith} has struggled like I have, he is taking shelter in those same comforts I have rested in. 

But I must admit, I am not completely out the woods just yet. There are things I have yet to accomplish. Such as listening to the songs "Crazy girl" or "I love you this big" without losing it. Most of the time I just avoid the songs all together to play it safe and not scare my fellow drivers on the road {Yes, you're welcome!}. And if we are being honest, which is the whole point of this blog, there are still two saved voice mail messages from the "good times"on my phone that he left me. 

Baby steps climb mountains and one day I will get to the top of this one, just in time to climb the next one.

Most importantly out all of this, I find joy in knowing that climbing this mountain has brought me closer to God and for that I must say I am thankful.

That friends, is my treasure in the darkness.

And boy, do I treasure it!

------------

This period in my life has been a blessing whether I choose to acknowledged it as such or not.

How blessed I am to sit and talk about my college life and the feelings of my heart with a cup of tea, while others struggle to put food in their bellies and shoes on their feet.

The Lord cares for me.

He cares for you.

Be blessed. 



{Lost Votes}

Okay, I suggest you only read this if you want to know how sappy an individual I am.

Read this to see my heart.

Just read this.

--------

So today is election day for the United States.

We as a nation decide who will lead us in the future.

And, it is my first time voting.

Originally, I wasn't planning on writing about the election and my voting.

But this morning, my heart ached to express itself.

My eyes well up when I think of the impending election and the fates that are being decided.

Now, I am not getting teary eyed because of the pride I feel in this nation and the opportunity I have to vote, even though I feel these are extremely important.

But, My eyes fill with tears as I think of a broken and blind nation choosing leaders to run it.

I think of all those people going to the polls today and want to sob.

Most of them are lost.

They are quite possibly choosing to vote out of spite or even color.

They are quick to judge and anger easily.

Most of these voters feel they know whats best and have consulted only their own imperfect and broken souls.

Jesus, our King, will be left out of this action today.

This broken and lost world will consult the broken and lost for advice and council on who to vote for.

They will forget that our perfect King knows all and controls all.

They will fail to seek him in their vote.

And it is no different for our candidates.

The man I vote for is lost and broken.

He chooses to believe differently than me.

He finds his will in the council of fellow lost and broken people.

He is not seeking the will of God in his election.

And the vicious merry go round of a nation who is under God, but chooses to live apart from God continues.

My heart has broke.

This country will never change if we don't focus on God.

No lost and broken man will ever fix our economy crisis or create a perfect way to combat the evils in this world,

Without his focus being on God.

I have spent my morning in on and off prayer, and the rest of my day will look about the same.

I pray that our nation will choose to follow God in all the we do.

I pray we start to live and act more like Christ in the things that we do.

I ask that hearts of Christ followers will stir and He will lead us to a place of leadership in our country for His glory.

I pray for our President, whom ever he will become, that he will choose to seek God's will for this country.

I ask that he will come humbly into this powerful role with the intention to give all the glory to Jesus.

In the words of my momma, "we live in a world of zombies"

The walking dead.

If we are not found in Christ, we are dead.

This nation we live in is dead.

For a first time voter, I find my peace knowing I have a King who loves this broken and lost nation.

 

{Nineteenth}

Well, it is that time of year again.

I am officially another year older.

I am now 19.

Next year I will be two decades old young.

sheesh.

I must say, I have mixed feelings about this year's birthday.

There are so many things that are not how I planned or expected as I start out my nineteenth year. Which is making me ponder a bit more on how I want to spend it.

So how is this year going to look?

What do I want the 20 year old Clarissa to feel in a years time?

What will she say as her 19th year draws to a close?

How does she want the ones around her to feel about her life?

What does she want her King to say about her in this time of life?

Truth is friends,

I want My words to be bolder for Christ.

My love to speak louder.

My smile to be stronger.

My laugh to be lighter.

And My outlook sweeter.

Goodness, that is a lot.

As I write this, my Pandora station plays "Made to Worship"

You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
When you and I choose to believe
Then you and I will see who we were meant to be

I could just cry.

This should be my focus.

Every year.

This is all I need to strive for.

That is my calling.

How wonderful my Lord is to give me such a blessing as this!

So I guess, that is how I want the twenty year old Clarissa, the ones around her, and her Lord to see her in a years time.

A woman who has truly found where she is meant to be.

Worshiping.

Loving, through her Lord.

Surrendered to His will, alone.

Showing grace and resting in the arms of grace.

And embracing it all.

...

I prayerfully enter this year.

With a renewed heart and open eyes.

Because of Christ and our faith in Him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God's presence.

Ephesians 3:12

{Brownies Needed}

Oh, yesterday.

School is back in.

And I am not loving it.

Especially yesterday.

I allowed myself to get overwhelmed and let the Devil steal my joy.

Let me explain, I am blessed beyond blessed to have the oppurtunity to attend a University.

But, It is not my favorite thing to do.

Like my least favorite thing.

Ever.

Isn't that terrible?

Please understand, I hate not liking this.

Although, this is where my heart is at the moment.

And I can't even completely pin point exactly what triggers these feelings.

Yet, here they are.

So yesterday, when I made it through my four classes and the drive home I allowed myself the night off.

Refusing to dwell on school.

Chinese Take out with the fam.

(btw Diamond Panda Egg Flower is my favorite. I practically ignored my chow mien and spicy garlic chicken just to sip down that soup!...well now you know my order)

Pinterest surfing.

I found this....

And I thought how perfect!

Yes, even though I may be a mess I want to shine the Lord's light through it.

And lets be honest, I'm a mess most of the time.

So here is where the brownies are needed.

What other way is there to end an overwhelming day but with ooey gooey chocolaty goodness?

I mean really, is there any other way?

And now I ask you for your prayers.

These next ten weeks are going to be very hard on me.

The Lord and I, I'm sure, will be having many conversations regarding these facts for the next months ahead.

But I know He cares for me and He wouldn't give me more than I can handle.

Even when I make it feel so.

And because we are His children, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out Abba Father.

Galatians 4:6

What a gracious blessing, I do not deserve!

 

{Sign Frame Tutorial}

Whats a girl to do with a wooden initial of her last name and a wooden frame with no glass?

Of course make an adorable sign!
Shall we do it?

Perfect.

You will need:

Wooden Letter

8x10 wooden frame without the glass (found mine for .99!)

Sheet of scrapbook paper

Acrylic paint

 

First I took the back of the frame and traced it onto the back of my sheet of scrapbook paper.

 

Next I painted both the frame and the letter the same color.

FYI: the paint color turned out a bit pinker then I expected, I still like it, but I suggest you test out your paint before you use it.

 

For attachment purposes I used Scotch double sided sticky tape and the good ole' glue stick.

I used the glue stick to attach the sheet of scrapbook paper and the back of the frame together.

 The tape was used to attach the letter to the paper backed frame. I covered the whole back of the letter and then pressed it to the back of the frame. It seems to hold really well.

You know me, I am a huge fan of double sided sticky tape!

 

 After the frame had dried I decided I wanted a little more definition of shabby chic.

I sanded the corners of the letter and the frame with a small piece of hand sand paper.

I sanded very lightly, it didn't take long at all for the raw wood to show through.

So be careful.

 

 And your final product will look somewhat like this!
Its adorable and I love it, but have yet to find the perfect place for it.

I may end up turning this into a wreathe by adding a ribbon or twine to the back.

Any other suggestions? 

Hope you enjoyed!

Show me what you got!

{Film Roll}

Finally the photos are all edited and I get to share with you my lovely trip to St.Louis, Missouri!

I like pictures, alot.

So bear with me here.

....

This was taken in The Butterfly House.

Literally, it is a green house filled to the brim with all kinds of butterflies. And this one here was kind enough to pose for me.

Real Toll House Cookies, made by yours truly.

"You got the ticket to those cookies, girl"-Uncle 

 

Missouri's National Cemetery and a Momma Deer and her sweet Bambies.

 

Lemp Family Brewery.

And may I say, I am in LOVE with old brick buildings.

 

Home Smoked Pastrami sammies with homemade potato salad.

One day, my uncle's little black book filled with his recipes will suddenly disappear long enough to copy and return.
You can count on it.

 

 My Uncle's place of business.

I got a tour. 

 

After my tour, I got frozen custard. Yum.

 

Meramac Caverns.

How can you tell if it is a stalactite or stalagmite?

Stalactites are "tight" to the ceiling.

and

Stalagmites may give you a case of the"might trip over 'em"

see what I did there?

By the way, these are stalactites. The water below is playing tricks on you.

Silly, water.

 

The sky above Missouri.

 

 Hey Boo Boo!

We found Yogi bear, at Jellystone Park.

Pretty snazzy huh?

Okay so, before I go on I must explain that this is the best BBQ joint ever.

And I really mean that.

I'm the type of person who likes BBQ.

But this place, makes me love BBQ.

Like, Ribs&SweetPotatoFries&BBQ

Sauce&Coleslaw.

In. That. Order. 

May I just point out that is a half a rack of ribs and two sides.

  Mission Accomplished.

 

Union Station.

A mix of history, a hotel, and a mall.

I know, I found it weird too.

This is where the trains would disembark once upon a time.

Now, it is a bright atrium.



 

 Oh these fish.

They were so trained for tourists to throw them food, hundreds hudled the edges of the board walk to wait for food.

It was disturbing how much fish can beg for food.

Mostly just weird.

 

Now this was my favorite part of Union Station.

This upper level was restored to the orginal state of the train station.

Upper class used to wait in this level for their trains to arrive.

It was awesome.

The coolest part of it all, My Aunt and Uncle never knew this part existed.

We all just happened upon it.

 

 Lovely, right?

 

 Well hey there, Archie!

 

This is Bud. He lives at U.S. Grant's Farm.

We made it a girls day.

My Aunt, my Aunt's Sweet friend, her two little ladies, and myself all piled in the car and visited General Grant's old home and farm.

It was so cool.

The farm houses all kinds of animals.

And on the property is the House where Grant met and lived with his wife.

Now this little romantic, just loves that fact.

But, back to Bud.

 

 Now, Bud is kind of a show off.

I say "kind of" very lightly.

He beat three kids from the audience in a blowing up balloons.

And my sweet friend was picked out and given Bud's Balloon.

Let me add here, that a giant balloon sounds really cool for the first 4 minutes of carting it around and then it whacks you and then whacks others and then whacks you again and then you have no where to put it and then others stare at you and then...should I go on?

No?

Good.

Bald Eagles that are grounded due to injuries.

They were rescued and taken to Grant's Farm.

It was really cool seeing them in person.

You don't realize how truly large these birds are until they are standing 5 feet away from you.

And their eyes are staring into your soul.



Ahh. St. Charles, Missouri.

Officially my favorite little town.

Cobblestone main street.

Rows of old brick buildings.

Missouri's first state capitol.

If you haven't noticed yet, I really really really like antique anything.

Just take a gander of these photos, you may just agree with me here.

 

 Beautiful.

 

Not only does St. Charles rock because of its history.

It also rocks for having the best St. Louis style pizza joint.

mmmmmmmmmmm.

Friends, really you need to try a St. Louis style pie at least once in your life.

They have a cheese that is magical.

But preferably at Mr. Frankie Tocco's.

Seriously.

 

And if you thought St.Charles couldn't get any better, think again.

Let me introduce you to Picasso's Coffee House.

Have I said "yum" enough in this blog post yet?

Alright, maybe just once more.

Yum.

By the way, any place who has burlap curtains is okay in my book!

 

My Aunt and Uncle aren't huge football fans, but they were kind enough to let me watch my NYG's play pre-season. 

They rock.

 

The big ole' Mississippi River. 

 

Killing two birds with one stone.

Crossed state lines into Illinois.

This is my "money shot"

I so lucked out on catching the sign in time for the shutter to snap.

yay!

 

 The sky above Illinois.

While we are on the subject, the English language bugs me.

Case in point: the spelling of Illinois.

Just saying.

 

I learned that on the road from Missouri to Illinois, there is nothing more than fields and fields and fields of corn.

 

While in the Land of Abe, we visited President Lincoln's Tomb.

Awe provoking, really.

If you ever are close enough to visit, I must say you have to go.

 

 Stained Glass Window that looks into where Abe rests.

 

Well ain't that a coincidence!

Hello Lincolns!

Stopped by the Presidential Library.

I can not say enough about the museum.

If you have respect for him now, go through the museum in his presidential library.

You will have even more respect then you could of ever expected to have.

 

If that isn't enough, you can see the house that Abe and his family had in Illinois before the moved into a much bigger one in Washington D.C.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that they actually lived here.

Their sons ran up and down the streets.

Mrs. Lincoln hosted parties here.

President Lincoln waved to his neighbors as he took his walks. 

 

The Lincoln's street.

 

The night before I left to head back home, my Aunt and Uncle's church hosted a Meredith Andrews concert with a live feed from the Harvest Crusade.

Before I knew about the concert I had no idea who this woman was.

Although, She is well known in the Midwest apparently.

She has a wonderful voice and an even more wonderful heart for the Lord.

It blessed my heart.

How tiny she was though!

Meredith was wearing 6 inch heels and was still shorter than most women!

See?

 

And then it was time for me to get on a plane and head home.

Who knew two weeks could fly by so fast?

....

This trip was a sweet blessing. I will always be thankful for this special opportunity my Aunt and Uncle were able to provide for me.

For those of you who made it to the end, You are such troopers!

Thanks for reading!

One last thing, can some one please explain this fashion trend taking the Midwest by storm?

These are my pajamas.

But women in the Midwest find this attire perfect for anything from running at 6 in the morning (which is fine) to eating BBQ on date at one in the afternoon (which is not okay.)

Ladies, your hair is not meant to be pulled up in a messy ponytail continuously, you have plenty of nice clothing options, and a little time primping never hurt anyone.

Okay rant over.