thoughts on being twenty-one

My birthday was on the 9th, yet here I am blogging about it a week later, mostly because my life is hectic and I just ended up with a random amount of time with no homework, a venti Americano and nothing that really needs to have my attention at the moment. It all feels a bit strange, (but, yay for blogging!) 

Life is a crazy pile of mess, its intense, insanely exceptional, and has the habit of aging you. I love that it has that ability, but every year around this time while the minutes tick away on the eve before my birthday I get a little nervous like I forgotten something. Like a to do list was left unchecked or I wasn't present for something big. And in those moments, right before starting a new chapter, I get this intense urge to rush-to tidy-to mend-to prep, to do all the things I "forgot" to do within that year.

Of course because it is impossible to do all the things in minutes, I usually end up entering a new year feeling restless and behind. 

This year wasn't much different, I sort of hurried into the new year rushing around prepping for a huge birthday project and it wasn't until around midnight, when I got my first "happy birthday" text, that I realized everything had already begun. I sort of felt like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, "I'm late! I'm late for a very important date!" 

Yet I felt like I was being prepared for this feeling of lateness and rush over the last few months. The idea of being meant for a time such as this has been hitting me hard over the last 6-8 weeks. 

Even though life is a whirlwind and I never quite feel ready or on top of it, I am meant for a time such as this. 

For these days.

For this school.

For these moments.

For this region.

For these people.

For this economy.

It all plays a factor and a role, and I only have these moments, albeit fleeting, to live them. So yeah, maybe my space is a wreck, my nails aren't painted, I'm behind on work, and I'm basically running on starbucks and a prayer- but i'm here doing life.  Some days better than others, I must say, but living it nonetheless.

So this year, my one and only goal is to focus on the fact that I am here for the "such times" as this in life and to use every fiber in my being to do them well. Not on time or perfect, just knee deep in the mess with a graceful understanding of the beauty that is living. 

I'm excited for the road ahead in this new year and the adventures that will ensue as I journey down it. 

See ya back here next year, Lord willing!

coming home | whats behind door no.1

For those of you who follow me on instagram, you know that I have been on vacation for almost a month or so. Well, I made it back a few days ago. It was a good, long break that I needed. I visited family, passed through a few states I had never been to previously, and did a few touristy things. I'll be posting about all the happs in the future, but for now we talk about coming home. 

For one, I have been reading way too much Jane Austen to have written this as a caption on instagram:

Coming home is a decidedly lovely event. A tried and true tradition that seems to beckon a new beginning of sorts. Everything habitual has an air of newness; even the routines seem adventurous and desired.

But two,wordiness aside, its true.

Although its good to be gone and do new things, its good to be back and be in routine. Also, lets be honest, getting a good night's sleep in your own bed after a period of being gone is wonderful.

I'm a girl who likes her routine. Even in the summer, I like my mornings to be productive and regimented. How my morning looks, usually gives a clue to how the rest of my day will go. So, these last couple days have been a reset back into my typical morning. And I've loved it. 

Yes, I'm a weirdo, I know. 

Anywho, in this process of a reset I was inspired to do something creative with a project that I would typically be too methodical to do. I don't typically follow my whims, I usually think things through. Pros and cons list and all. But I am trying to be more of a whim follower to the things that in the long run will stretch me and my abilities.

So, I whipped out a role of painters tape and went to work (after I had put a load of laundry in. how responsible of me.) while sipping a cup of tea. 

I had no real plan, just a thought in my head. So, doing very opposite of what "Clarissa" would usually do, I just went for it without a sketch or a picture to follow. In the end, I had a bunch of lines begging for their shapes to be painted, so I obliged. 

Thanks to a bunch of coupons for free paint samples that I had redeemed and then was too cautious to use, I had quite the array of colors to choose from. Sticking with the just-role-with-it theme I was shooting for, I just picked a few that stood out to me and grabbed the paint brush. 

There were moments in this process that I thought seriously of regretting my decision to start, but I painted on. I thought, "If I hate it, I will just paint over it. Its just paint, right?" I had plans in the middle of this to leave some shapes white, just do two colors, do some shapes gray and white, pink? is that to cliche?...you name it, I thought it. 

But I reminded myself to capture the whim and plunge head first. Being the pattern-loving person that I am, I am personally pretty proud of that pink triangle to the right (geez, the letter P got a lot of recognition in this sentence). Its just there, being the adorable pop of color that it is. 

When the tape came off all I found myself saying was "I freakin' love it. Ah! I loooove it." Its cool, no? 

I have further plans to mount a large mirror in the middle of the door so to make the space useful in my 10x10 space as well as to provide a cute backdrop for the mirror. 

All in all, I am pretty proud of my breaking routine-and-being-home-less-than-24-hours-whim project. It feels good and refreshing to change things up. 

Speaking of changing things up, y'all should go check out Kelly and her updated digs. 

Okay you go do that, while I go and try to hang this mirror up evenly. I'm only a little nervous...or maybe a lot. Wish me luck!

the ice cream truck revisited

The introduction to the ice cream man tradition, in my family, started almost 20 years ago when I was just a babe.

The story goes: My grandmother used to refer to the ice cream truck as the "music truck" to my cousins and I. It was her thing, and she got quite the kick out of it. That is until June 6th 1995, when my uncle changed its meaning forever by happening to allude to the "music truck's" precious cargo. Ahem, i mean, the ice cream truck. 

Of course my grandmother wasn't too thrilled about her charade being blown, but lucky for me (I was the only kid present at the time) I got my first shot at the ice cream truck's goodness.

You should know that although my grandma was "upset" that her gig was up, she wasn't too heart broken not to document the event with her ever present camera. As you can see, I was pretty proud of my winnings. Buggs Bunny with gumball eyes. Oh yeah.

Thus the moment was cast in infamy and when my cousin Harley was born 19 years later, we all knew the time would come when it was my turn to continue the tradition just like his momma and daddy had done for me.  

It was an adventure. The ice cream man around here drives a bit fast and his music plays pretty low so it creates quite the conundrum to get his attention in time for him to stop. We had heard the truck earlier in the day, but by the time we had registered the classic ice cream truck tunes, it was already down the street. So we waited, hoping we would get another shot later in the afternoon. 

Again a few hours later my aunt heard the faint tunes, which sent me running out of the house, bare foot, and flailing my arms trying to catch his attention in the rear view mirror as he continued to drive down the street. Thankfully the neighbors across the street and down two houses came bursting out of their front door right about the time I did and were able to grab his attention. My goodness, who knew it would be so hard to get an ice cream truck to stop. 

Sticking with tradition we went with an ice cream complete with gumball eyes, this time the character being Spiderman. 

The Goob wasted no time digging into that sucker, obviously because we like food. A lot. 

The sun didn't waste any time beginning the process of melting that frozen sugary goodness, either.

We were sticky and stained with the red-blueish-purpley evidence. 

It was a glorious 5 minutes. I say 5, because 1) he isn't quite yet 2 and 2) he had things to do, bubbles to blow. and veggies to watch. duh. 

Ice cream takes its toll, as you can see on the face above. Its good, but man it takes some energy to consume so much sugar. 

I was blessed beyond measure to be apart of this moment and to share in the stories that were and are soon to come. He's a miracle baby with an awe inspiring story and I couldn't imagine a more perfect day to make these memories. If grandma was still around, she would have stood by her "music truck" story and taken pride in her grandchildren's joy in the simple things with a camera in hand. 

I believe life's grandness is found in the smallest moments, I am so thankful for this summer and the opportunities to soak those moments in.

ps. the top photo was taken June '95, while the bottom was taken July '14. It was an accident-on-purpose that both Harley and I were about the same age when each photo was taken. Nifty, right?

Also, Ice cream trucks haven't changed much in 20 years. 

taking stock

I ran across this list recently on another blog and could. not. resist filling it out. Honestly, I love reflective lists. I also think it works well as a friday, #wednesdaywhatnot post. Yeah, you read that right. 

Anyway, on with the listing. 

Making : jams to the tune of "larry boy" works for just about everything. "pajama time! pajama time!" was my latest rendition. 
Cooking : potato pancakes and cakeballs three nights ago (they were consumed separately)
Drinking : cold brew with vanilla creamer
Reading: in between books. treasured witty fav or new deep thought provoking book. That is the question.
Wanting: cold pizza.
Looking: at bountiful Kansas greenery. I have a major crush on it. 
Playing: The Civil Wars 
Wasting: time. always.
Sewing: wild oats? haha. For real though, not a darn thing. 
Wishing: for a vanilla coke
Enjoying: Dawson's Creek. I blame Netflix.
Waiting: for a somebody's nap to end. 
Liking: instagram squares 
Wondering: what the weather's like back home.
Loving: MaryKay's Cream to Powder foundation
Hoping: for another awesome midwestern storm.
Marvelling: at sunlight. 
Needing: a break from big data. too soon?
Smelling: shampoo
Wearing: a skirt and a cause tee. 
Following: bob, larry, and the rest of the veggies in their adventures. 
Noticing: the hum of the air conditioner and the washers spin cycle.
Knowing: without having to go outside that the humidity has a claim on the weather.
Thinking: this list requires a lot of critical thought. 
Feeling: the need to rebrush my teeth. coffee breath. ew. 
Bookmarking: this summer's adventures
Opening: a can of worms? probably.
Giggling: at the way an 20 month old says "Oh Yaaa" after he says hello. 
Feeling: like i'm in need of a nap or chocolate, either would work.  

black + white inspiration: for the hair

This summer has already been hot. And busy. Which means my hair has been in its natural state for most of it. My momma has curls and my daddy has stick straight hair, so what does that give me? This.

But I can only get a good 2 days out of it before it starts looking funny. So to squeeze a third day out of it, I've been using the small things blog  triple twist tutorial, that you can watch here. It is super simple, loose and messy, just perfect for a hot summer day. 

I was also inspired by a black and white picture of one of my relatives whom cannot be determined. No name, no ideas, no nothing. But she's cute and sassy and all about working hard. Its a great photo with or without an identity. Also, do you see that little boy to the left of her with the cute little hat on? Yeah we don't know who he is either, but man he's cute. 

So with that inspiration in mind, I decided to switch up the style just a bit and go a little more 40s by adding an old bandanna. Which ended up looking like a modern day Rosie the Riveter. Score.

I also happened to wear this look for the Fourth of July, I mean, you can't get any more patriotic than Rosie the Riveter. Am I right? 

Anywho, that's the look. Don't be afraid to switch things up a time or two. Happy monday! 

Wednesdays are meant for pink

I haven't posted a #wednesdaywhatnot in awhile and I've missed it (If you have no clue what I'm talking about, start here.) I love seeing a snippet of y'alls day or learning something new about you each week. 

So we're still at it, even with the inconsistencies.

I went easy this week and asked simply what everybody was up to on their Wednesday. I got responses from sipping on sweet tea to adventures in Alaska as well as touring art museums in Poland. Y'all really are digging deep into summer and I'm loving it. 

I found myself whipping up a strawberry cake* and singing along to Patsy Cline. That woman and baking make me weepy for some reason. Sheesh. 

The cake then became delicious cake balls later in the afternoon when I spent some time with a sweet old friend sharing in the "art" of making them and watching Harry Potter movies. I love how baking brings women together like no other, its a community effort with a sweet result that truly can't be obtained by any other activity. You build foundations and grow roots while baking. (If you have been reading for awhile, you know I like talking about cake, if you haven't, read here.)

The finished product yielded Chocolate Covered Strawberry and Mounds (think candy bar) scrumptious little morsels. If college doesn't pan out, I'm going into the cake ball business. I mean, who needs a degree when you have cake? (no need to panic, I'm just joking.) 

It definitely has been one of my favorite afternoons of the summer.  

Where did you find yourself this past Wednesday?

*On Wednesdays, we bake pink cakes. (get it?)

she blogs

This beauty (who used to think what I did was "weird") started a blog.

Its a sweet new space full of compassion and grace; a corner of the Internet I'm sure you'll want to visit regularly. 

Even if she used to think my blog/blogs in general were odd...(we're sisters, so I'm allowed to give her a hard time about these things. Also I take photos of her mug on the regular, so she has really no room to talk.)

Go find her at Alabaster: Reaction to Redemption 

I trust you to follow my instructions and go visit her.

Later.

p.s. why yes, I do crack myself up. 

"big data"-ing

This summer I am apart of a team that is researching "big data" and all the ambiguous things it entails.

We've all heard of it, but we silently ask "what is the world is "big data" and why the heck haven't they come up with a better name for it yet?" every time we hear it on the news or read it in the paper. 

So before I ramble about what exactly I'm doing, let me attempt to define it for you (with a little bit of help from my friend Webster, of course.)

"An accumulation of data that is too large and complex for processing by traditional database management tools."

Now that I've let Webster give us the surface meaning, I'll tell you the real deal. 

Every time you like something on facebook, search something on google, post on instagram, write on a blog, go to a blog, buy something off of amazon, and tweet a celebrity or your bestie next door, you and your information are being processed and stored for future use by these companies and our government (think Snowden.) This data can be your name, birthday, what your favorite color is, who your momma is, spending patterns/buying habits, where you like to eat, where you live (we're talking addresses in some cases), who you dig and the list goes on and on. Facebook and the like sell it to advertisers that then "magically" manage to find their product advertisements in your feeds and your "Customers who bought this, also like this..." sections. 

That, my friends, is big data.

With all this data being collected off of every single person who scrolls through the Internet, you can imagine why the word "big" finds its way in front of the term. 

So as a team we are asking, what will our world look like in time with our current use of big data? Basically, what will be the repercussions in years to come. 

This means I find myself sifting through MANY articles on the topic in front of a computer screen for multiple hours a day. Between yesterday and today alone, I have read/skimmed/processed 200 articles. (feel free to cringe, I know I do.) And then once all the material is processed we will analyse, process again, and then write a report in hopes of our findings being published in a scholarly journal. Oh, did I mention we will also be presenting this to scholars at the end of the summer? Yeah, that's a thing.

I believe without a doubt that this concept will soon be stocking my dreams much like the Grimm Reaper, but instead of rocking the menacing black robe and holding a scythe he'll be dressed like an NSA agent and a lasso of Internet cable will be in his hand which he uses to pull information out of you (a bit of a stretch, but you get the picture.) If this actually happens, I'll be sure and write the whole thing down so y'all can share in the merriment. 

Also, I believe the words "big" and "data" in the same sentence will gain a tone of curse like inflection a few weeks down the road. I can feel it. 

Anyway, now that I've completely lost you with my off kilter notions, I'll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes from my reading on the topic thus far. They are sarcastic gems that in knee deep research make me laugh and remember humor still exists. 

"The more I hear the term "big data," the more suspicious I become. Not in an Edward Snowden, the evil government's spying on us sort of way. If the curious of Fort Meade, Md., the National Security Agency's home, wish to poke through my electronic sock drawers for signs of terror, they are more than welcome. Happy to do my bit for national security." -Philip Delves Broughton, Wall Street Journal

"A COUPLE of weeks ago, my laptop died. My stomach churned as I realized that a full day's worth of work had vanished. "Maybe I could just ask the National Security Agency for a copy of it," I said to myself. "They have everything now." I didn't know which surveillance bureaucrat to call, and that's a shame." - John Schwartz, New York Times. 

Oh but wait, Mr. Schwartz continues his snide tone well into the article in which he discusses the need for the data collected to be given back to the individual for monetary or insightful gain. Prepare yourself for this. 

"Here's where it gets really cool: it all comes together in a little algorithm I'd like to call a "modest data proposal." Let's say my Fitbit shows that I'm getting into shape and my medical and insurance records suggest that I have no big health problems like heart disease or stroke ahead of me. In fact, I'm likely to live to 100. But my bank account and investment data show that I haven't built up a financial cushion for a lengthy retirement. At this rate, I'm almost certain to end up becoming a drag on Social Security and the health care system.

 Under my plan -- let's call it the lifestyle death panel -- the government would recommend that I take up smoking. That would shorten my life and help keep entitlement spending under control. I'll bet that tobacco companies might even pay for the ads.

 Or, as an alternative, Uncle Sam could encourage me to eat Triple Whoppers." 

And on that note, I leave you. 

P.s. Thanks for stopping in NSA Agents and Advertisers of the like, I'm sure my excessive use of your favorite buzz words tipped you off, it was my pleasure. You're more than welcome to check my Internet sock drawers as well. Happy hunting. 

Clarissa hearts summer : part deux

Well this isn't really a continuation, but a "I-forgot-about-a-few-things-that-relate-to-the-last-post" post.

Basically, I left some important things off my original list.

The first calls for a backstory. This desert has some crazy beautiful sunrises and I have been missing them being that I have been getting up later due to my later classes. While I like my sleep, I genuinely miss these natural paintings splashed across the sky so at least once this summer I want to sit, wait, watch, and photograph the early morning splendor. Who wants to join me? 

The second is pretty self explanatory if you've ever spent an hour with me and my iphone. I photograph EVERYTHING (much to my friends' disdain), so since I've run out of memory and am in desperate need of an IOS update I have to spend sometime downloading and deleting. This hurts, friends, it hurts real bad. Sniff. (I feel the need to mention that I have been putting this off for months and have flat ran out of excuses. I may or may not have a problem.)

And the third...no i'm not the Riddler, I just can't remember what the heck the third thing was I forgot to write for my last list. The worst part is, I know for a fact there was indeed a third thing to write down. Riddle me that, Batman. Needless to say, I really need to get in the habit of immediately writing thoughts down. Its not like I have journals stashed and stacked everywhere or anything...

Oh, and another thing!

Sometimes you just gotta spruce things up a bit. I think its fitting for the season, but who knows how long it will stay. 

Heck, I don't even know if my list for summer will stay the same with my memory and all. 

...what am I writing about again?

Just kidding. Sort of. 

Clarissa hearts summer

My. Word. Its finally here. FINALLY.

With the completion of my last two finals this afternoon I have been freed from exams, papers, and obnoxious lectures for the next three months and its glorious. 

Okay...well i'm not completely free, i'll be working with a team of students and a professor from my department throughout summer researching the internet's Big Data and privacy, but they're paying me and it will look really good on my someday resume so that's cool. 

Anyways back to real point of this post. I asked this question yesterday on Instagram...

And so I give you how summer will sweep me away:

-Cleaning my room and washing my car*

*please don't be fooled I dislike both of these tasks, but life has really gotten away from me and created quite the chaos around me. Hence the need for deep cleaning. 

-Crazy amounts of reading. I really can't wait to read for fun again. 

-Travel to a few new states as well as a visit to a known state where a sweet babe and his mom and dad live.

-Exercise. Running-ish and biking. I'm being intentional. folks.

-Documentation of all the things. I have a project for this, I'll share soon, k?

-Connecting. I want to be intentional with relationships this summer. 

-And all the other little things summer would be incomplete without. 

What about you, care to answer such an ambiguous question as this?

Signing off to get into comfy clothes, eat junk food, and start reading a new book.

Peace. 

day brighteners

Hey girl hey (and possible guy readers)! Its time for another #wednesdaywhatnot post.

I have to be honest, I wasn't quite sure what the prompt would be today. I was worse for wear and a bit over it all, if you know what i'm saying. 

Anywho this week I thought it might be good to post what brightens our Wednesdays, especially on a day like I was having. 

My reason to post happened in all of about 3 seconds. It's that moment when the young man in the elevator waited until every lady exited before stepping off himself. Chivalry is the best. I couldn't help but smile as I stepped out of that little silver box.

BUT WAIT, there's more!

When I got home from school, I found a package waiting for me. Ya know, one of those good ol' happy mail packages? I have recently fallen in love with @sassandcrafts jewelry (y'all gotta check her out) and low and behold I happened to win a sweet necklace (and a thrown in bracelet, because she's the sweetest) from last week's sale.

Needless to say, it was a double #wednesdaywhatnot kinda week. 

You know the drill, show me your snapshots from your Wednesday.

And I'll see y'all back here next week, if not sooner. 

from the cutting room floor

Another wednesday, another #wednesdaywhatnot.

This week's topic: a picture from the cutting room floor and the story behind it. Here's the deal, i'm an avid iphone photographer with very little space left in my phone's memory to prove it. Basically the concept behind the hashtag #fromthecuttingroomfloor is this: all those unposted pictures you have saved up in your camera roll for who knows what finally have a reason to be shown to the world(!)...that exclamation point is dedicated to all you iphone photogs out there who can relate. 

Anywho, back to the point. 

Last week, Kelly from Daisies and Daydreams and I spent most of our Monday afternoon stuck in egregious (there's that college vocab) traffic. That being said, we did get to examine the beauty that seems to be lost on the days we sail on by. Although the desert gets a bad rap, it truly is bursting forth with crazy amounts of merciful images from our Creator.

Awesome, right? It may have been hot, and a bit annoying sitting in stop-go-mostly stop traffic, but getting to really admire some fantastic sights was awe evoking. 

Why wasn't this picture posted, you ask? You see, I had more timely photos of our faces during the beginning, middle, and end of our journey in traffic to post. I'm sure you understand the importance. 

Now it's your turn, if you feel so inclined. Make sure to link back here, so I can see your fabulous shots. 

Just one more snapshot from my instagram feed from today. Why? Well, because I felt like it. Also, the top i'm wearing is pretty rad if you ask me and since this here is my blog, I get to state these things with out being asked. | sheesh...I should probably just stop while i'm ahead |

I have a strong sense that my 60's is showing. An era I associate with style wise, and less politically, that causes my father to inadvertently cringe and my future children to question what the heck I was thinking.

Happy Wednesday, folks.

In the middle of it all

Lately I have been feeling like I am on a treadmill that has an ever increasing speed. I am running and always trying to play catch up. This quarter has me spread thin, so thin in fact, I haven't been able to sit and rest and write like I would love to do.

Instagram has been filling in as my mini blog for the lack of time to write real completely thought out posts. I started #wednesdaywhatnot about 4weeks ago to break up the monotony of the week, add a little fun into a hump day, and a chance to get to know some fellow Ig-ers.

So, I felt it natural to start sharing these post on here as well...it only took four weeks to think of it, go figure.

This week I posed the question: in the middle of the chaos and busyness, what is something that you do that does your soul good?

For me, spending time in front of a window or tucked under the shade of a tree turns something as monotonous and annoying as studying is into something bearable and restful-ish.

*funfact: as soon as I posted this picture, my lovely little "restful-ish" space behind some bookshelves against the window in the library became a place where two young ladies decided to spend an hour laughing hysterically at some youtube clips. I'm sure they had a grand time, I on the other hand would have preferred their laughter to be taken elsewhere. I enjoyed the window though.

Now its your turn, if you feel so inclined. I'm off to hit the books some more and focus on the fact that I only have a total of 5 weeks until summer begins. Can I get an amen?!

Today's Nineveh

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Jonah 3+4. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

I live near a city that resembles something similar to a modern day Nineveh. It is full of broken, messy people. Many of them break the law and hurt those around them. It is a city that many avoid. 

Recently, I was reminded how Jonah like I can be. As I sat in front of a house with a van filled with trash and a roof covered in tarps, I questioned how I would react in a Chapter 3-4 situation. 

"Up on your feet and on your way to the big city of Nineveh! Preach to them. They're in a bad way and I can't ignore it any longer." Jonah 3:2 MSG

"Jonah entered the city, went one day's walk and preached, 'in forty days Nineveh will be smashed.'" Jonah 3:4 MSG

Sure I may listen to the Lord and follow his path to a broken city, but as soon as the Lord's original plan changes I feel I would react in a similar fashion to Jonah's, dare I say it?, Drama Queen antics. 

"Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, 'God! I knew it- when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!" Jonah 4: 1-2

As soon as grace shows up, boom. How dare God 1) change His plan and 2) DO what we love most about Him for people "far worse than us." Jonah flat calls God out as if this whole forgiveness thing is the worst thing that could ever happen. He goes as far to say, "So, God, if you won't kill them, kill me! I'm better off dead!" Jonah 4:3 

Gee, again I state, DRAMA QUEEN. But. Y'all, I have this deep gut wrenching feeling in my stomach that I may react/have reacted in a similar way. Somewhere in our rotten flesh we sometimes feel we are the only ones deserving of God's mercy. We (I) forget that he pulled us (me) out of our (my) own fish's belly when we (I) messed up, and we are (I am) most likely only one choice away from being in that place again. Because, frankly, we deserve to be apart of God's original plan for Nineveh. 

And yet, the Lord still showed a great deal of grace to Jonah in his fit. "Is it right for you to be angry about this?" Jonah 4:4 NLT He didn't anger, but gently tried to remind Jonah of the great love He bestows.

But that didn't work, and neither did the tree. 

I absolutely hate leaving Jonah's story like this. I often wonder what happened to him, did he ever snap out of it? Did he ever "get it?" 

I question if i'll ever truly get that I am not worthy of grace and mercy. 

Yet I know through all my imperfections and the imperfections of those around me (even in harsh cities), Jesus is still there gently reminding us of His love for us all, dusting us off, breaking us down, and sending us out for His glory.

This story wrecks me every single time I read it. It is a raw reminder to get off my high horse and open my eyes. Jesus is for the broken, that's me, you, and those we consider the worst. 

Lord, I am broken. I struggle to live and love the way you have done and do for us. Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers. Thank you for Jonah, thank you for giving us his story to remind us of our own actions and reactions. Prompt our hearts to seek your mercy as we go out into the world today. Amen. 

being the hands and feet for ONE

Being the hands and feet of Jesus is one of the craziest experiences one can ever do. The tasks can be small and some can seem impossible, yet the reward is immeasurable.Sometimes the task is a smile, holding a baby so a tired momma can sit in service to worship, being a listening ear for a few hours over coffee, taking food to the homeless, or using the talents the Lord has given you to help those thousands of miles away. 

No. 41 is an organization who has been the ever present hands and feet of Jesus in Kenya Rwanda (like the silly person that I am, I originally had Kenya there. Too late of writing and Hope for Migori are to blame. I'll explain later about HFM.) The name literally means "for one," for one child for one meal for one year.The women of No. 41 make beautiful handmade bags that work to provide meals for school children for a whole year and employing women with sustainable incomes. That original ONE became over 900 children and over 30 employed women, 19 of them attending the university. And it all has stolen my heart. 

I first heard about the organization when I was blessed with a No.41 bag back in 2012, with a tiny tag that read "Fanny" in penciled handwriting. It became personal for me at that moment, I felt that a bond had been made. Hands thousands of miles away had crafted this bag, all by the glory of God, for me. I couldn't see her face, but I knew in my heart this woman, Fanny, was a world changer and No.41 had began that process. Since then, No.41 has grown leaps and bounds and faces with names have appeared. Still, I have that tiny blue tag hanging on my wall as a reminder to be active and alive- serving the Kingdom. 

On April 1st (4/1...get it?), the organization is hosting the second annual 41 Day of fasting and fundraising annnnnnnnd we have the opportunity to partner with them to stand up for ONE more. 

I happen to be a full time college student without a part time job, so every year I try to find a way to still support and this year the Lord placed it on my heart to go big. 

She Felt Lovely (my instagram shop) will be selling special No. 41 headbands along with other headbands from now until April 1st at the cost that will feed a child for a month, with all proceeds going to No.41. So follow the shop and look around to be apart of filling a child's belly!

You can also purchase a bag or a t-shirt from No.41 to donate even further!

No.41 headbands for dayssss.

I pledge to stand up for ONE. How about you? Will you join this fight for full bellies and empowered women? 

I am so excited to see what the Lord continues to do through No.41 and those who work to be the active hands and feet of Jesus! 

Learn more about No.41 here or watch the video below. 

but the Lord

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Jonah 1+2. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

I love the buts in this story. They are soaked in God's mercy and dripping in His grace. 

"But the Lord hurled a powerful wind over the sea, causing a violent storm that threatened to break the ship apart." Jonah 1: 4 NLT 

Even though Jonah had just hopped on a boat with a "peace out, Lord. That job is just too big and messy. I ain't doing it." attitude in the verse previous, the Lord still wanted him and was going to pursue Jonah to the very edges of the Earth. 

The Lord was there, in Jonah's absolute refusal. 

Even when the ship began to rock and the sailors became terrified and Jonah knew the whole thing was his fault and told them so.

"Jonah said, "Throw me overboard, into the sea. Then the storm will stop. It's all my fault. I'm the cause of the storm. Get rid of me and you'll get rid of the storm. But no. The men tried rowing back to shore. They made no headway. The storm only got worse and worse, wild and raging." Jonah 1:13-14 MSG

I sometimes feel like the sailors here, I can see the fix to a problem (God) and yet I still row and row and row. I fight against the wild and raging things because it feels easier then to let go and follow after God. 

But. The Lord was there, in the midst of the stubbornness and fight. When the sailors finally let go and stopped rowing against the pointlessness, they were amazed by God's great power as the storm ceased and Jonah sank to be swallowed by the fish. 

And even there, in the big ol' belly of that appointed fish, Jonah sees the Lord. 

"But I'm worshiping you, God, 

calling out in thanksgiving!

And I'll do what I promised i'd do!

Salvation belongs to God."

Jonah 2: 9 MSG

Jonah knows he's messed up big time. He's had time to think it over, (I mean, what else is there to do in the belly of a fish?) at his absolute worst the God who created the heavens and the Earth still heard his cries and rescued him. 

The Lord was there, as Jonah began the process of running back. He still wanted Jonah. He still had a purpose and a plan for him. No matter how far Jonah would run from the Lord, he would still chase hard after him and begin with mercies anew. 

He does that for us too. He wants us. He has called us. No matter how far we run into the wild and raging winds, it will never be too far for God to dust us off and use us for His glory. He is still there, chasing wildly after us. 

If our stories were being written like Jonah's, on those pages, in between the the messiness and the imperfections, there would still be "but the Lord..." 

Thank you, Jesus! Amen. 

remember me

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Psalm 38. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

David is a flat out hurting, broken mess in this, y'all. He is pleading for rest and healing. He is ridden with disease, no one wants to be around him, and the ones that get even remotely close to his being make fun of his love for God. He's beaten down and losing it, yet he cries out from the depths of his soul for God to remember him.

He doesn't curse God for allowing this turmoil to take place in his life. Instead, he waits in earnest patience and obedience.

I don't hear a word they say,
don't speak a word in response.
What I do, God, is wait for you,
wait for my Lord, my God - you will answer!
Psalm 38: 14-15 (the message)

I don't know about you, but I'm not sure I would be so obedient and trusting. I spew at the mouth when i'm angry and hurt. I question and whine when I don't understand. I become woe is me and defensive when someone has not met my expectations.

And though I know David believed and acted in obedient and patient ways, I also know he was human and thoughts like this must have welled up inside him once in awhile.

BUT. He also knew deep down in his heart of hearts,

You know what I long for Lord;
You hear my every sigh. 
Psalm 38: 9 (new living translation)

And it's true. It's all true. This Almighty God whom David clung to in his ache, the one who he searched for in desperation, also hears every sigh we let out in our exasperated moments.

We know this. We have to trust in this, even when we aren't getting a response when we want it or feel we need it.

The Lord has His timing and we are to wait in earnest patience and obedience.

Even though our flesh cries out in anguish and the messy parts of our lives seem to get even messier. We wait. Just as David did.

So however this finds you today, cheerful and rested or in the gray of despair, lets cling to this truth.

The Lord hears us. Let us draw near to Him and share our woes. He is our great comfort, even in our trenches.

artful worship

It's Thursday. I'm in the library. I just finished my last Oral Interpretation class for the quarter. And I'd thought i'd tell you all a story.

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of the post, how's about a run down of the course? 

Oral interpretation is basically about learning how to tell stories to an audience. Whether a poem or a children's book, it's about making the story and its characters come to life. My professor taught it from a Drama perspective, so we also got to do duo drama scenes and readers theater projects. 

Okay, now onto the main point. 

I love theater and performing, I was in drama all throughout high school, but this class shook me. In a good kind of all-shook up way. 

y'all, I loved and learned in this class more than I thought I ever could. Sure I knew what I was doing on stage from past experiences, but something about the setting or the way it was taught gave me a chance to soak it all in. 

You see part of my problem was, I HATED vocal/warm up exercises in the past. I loathed them, actually. In my opinion, they were silly and obnoxious. What. Was. The. Point. I can be a pretty serious individual and these things just seemed flat out ridiculous to me. 

Low and behold, in this class my professor started every single class with these very things. Early on I had to consciously make the decision to roll with the punches and DO them. No ifs, ands, or buts.  And you know what? I fell in love with them. They were relaxing, rejuvenating, and focusing for the task at hand. I let loose, made some funny noises with my voice, and sure as heck looked like an idiot, yet it was good. I freed myself from the handicapping fear of looking silly and it opened me up to experiencing the class fully.

I remembered how much I missed the stage and the rush of excitement and pure chaos it ensues inside of you. This class gave me a reason to live this feeling again. I was blessed with great partners and enjoyed the time we had to work on our scenes and develop our characters. 

Today, for our last performance I left it all on the stage. I was silly, exaggerated, and didn't hold back like the old Clarissa would have done. It was just what the scene was asking for and all that the character needed. I left sweaty and out of breath, absolutely on fire for future performances. It was something I hadn't felt in a long while. 

I never expected glean so much from this course as I did, but boy, am I glad I opened up my expectations to the blessings the Lord had for me in this class. If anything, throughout college He has taught me to not be so up tight about the little things. I still struggle to do this, but He is loving me and blessing me with classes like this one to learn and grow. 

Recently my friend said Followers of Christ have the most reason of all people to be at the forefront of the arts...because when we create, we worship. And I couldn't agree more. 

One day I'll know how the Lord wants me to use my talents to communicate His love, until then, I'll seek earnestly all the possible paths that my talents employ. If that means one day I'll tell stories and act for His kingdom, awesome. If not, I'll follow His will and be the silliest [with in reason, I'm still pretty type A] mom/storyteller around. I can't wait to see the tears of shame and embarrassment my future children will cry :)  

a graceful habit

*hey there. I am joining She Reads Truth during Lent and contributing to their She Shares Truth Fridays. This week: Psalm 130. Feel free to click on the link for other women's reflections as well! 

If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance?

As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that is why you are worshiped. 

Psalms 130:3-4, the message

I absolutely love the promises of grace and mercy that drips from this passage and the honest, raw heart that speaks through it.

I can't remember the last time I consciously hoped in something that had me waiting and watching till morning,with that can't sleep, sitting on the edge of your seat, feeling. 

But grace and mercy, y'all i'm seeking that minute by minute. I cry out in mercy something fierce, my life a prayer full of broken sentences and desperate pleas. From hurtful thoughts to absolute dropped-the-ball blunders, i'm there begging just for a little more grace and forgiveness. 

Yet He never stops listening. He hears every word down to the last syllable. 

I never need too much grace that He stops giving. It's in fact the exact opposite, the grace is endless for a continuously broken being. 

His arrival comes with love and generous redemption (Psalms 130:7, the message.) It overflows, it's unfailing. We can set our hopes of the day and the faith of our life in this perfect endless love. 

And for that, my heart will sing no other name. 

Lord, help us to put our hope in you today. Let us be enveloped by your grace and calmed by your mercy. You love us more than our earthly souls can ever imagine and for that we worship you and seek to bring you glory. Thank you for forgiving me and reminding me of this sweet truth daily. 

Amen? Amen. 

Be blessed today, sisters. 

getting fresh

Hey ladies! If you are here for She Shares Truth. Click on the home tab for my post about Psalm 130. I accidentally linked the wrong post! ;) 

Its been quiet here for about 3 months. The name has changed and so has the look. 

Winter left me feeling without words and inadequate with the ones I did have. The cobwebs began to assemble in the corners and dust seemed to settle on the space. 

Finally a few weeks ago, I felt a stirring that resembled something like spring cleaning. I needed new. I needed change. I wanted this space to feel intentional again. 

So here we are, friends. 

The name has changed to something that feels more me. I loved Blunders and Blessings, but I see myself representing more of the "Clarissa doesn't explain it all" category. 

[Which is a pun off of the 90's show Clarissa Explains it All. Read more on that here.]

I'm broken and messy. I have no clue most of the time and I struggle to do life intentionally well. I don't know how to really truly explain anything. BUT. I know a God who does and this is what this space is for. To share of His grace and mercy. 

Like this sweet yellow flower, blooming in what was an early spring, it is time to start over, again. 

Thanks for sticking around while I was gone. I'm back and excited to fill up this new space.