Fear, is mean.
Fear, can keep you up at night.
Fear, knows the hurts.
This Fear, he can control you.
And to be truthful, he knows this Perfectionist well. He knows where it hurts and why.
Did you guess that, or, did you just see a people person hell bent on pleasing?
Fall quarter started yesterday and over the past few days I have been struggling to not agree with what Fear has to say.
Because this is what he believes:
"Taking a dance class, which you have very little experience in, is just flat out crazy. You won't be perfect and will stick out like a sore thumb."
"The unknown of a science class that can be hard to understand and navigate, might just push you over the edge. And, what if the professor is a bit off the wall? Just think of the possibilities."
"Writing for the school news paper? Really? Don't you think you are over extending your abilities here? So what if it's a required class for your major? Doesn't mean you are going to be any good at it."
And my favorite.
"It's all just too scary. Walk away. Do the easy stuff. The stuff that you know and are comfortable with"
Do you hear my fears? Do you see a similarity in my insecurities even if they aren't exactly the same as yours?
And do you want to know the funniest part of my fears?
They all came true.
I am in a ballet class, which I have very very very little experience in. Oh and get this, this class isn't just for intermediate dancers, but, trained very skilled dancers as well. My perfectionist readers out there just had a heart attack, I know this because this heart had one when that little piece of information was made known yesterday.
My Geology class isn't the most structured or the most clear and my professor really should be teaching mad science instead of an Earth science. #thisshouldbefun
And I'm taking a class that will require me to write a story each week for the school paper while sitting in a room with huge computer screens, all the while praying I don't have a huge blinking arrow above my head that says "HEY EVERYBODY! This girl has no clue what she is doing!"
Now sure I could wallow in my fears, drop every class, avoid anything that I don't already have a grasp on, and sit at home watching Netflix.
But, would that truly be considered living?
And if I believe in a God who knows my days down to the very second, which I do, would I be following the commandments laid before me? Would I be truly sharing and showing the love of Christ? Would I be expressing the Gospel by staying barricaded in my room? Because I am sure Siri wouldn't be the one listening.
No.
Because Fear is just the absence of Faith.
If I cannot trust the God who closed the mouths of lions for Daniel, opened the sea for Moses, and placed Esther to rise in His name, on the simplest thing as a quarter at a university, then who am I to think He is going to answer my plea to set foot over seas to profess His name?
Fact is, He won't send me to a land where I can't trust the simplest things if I can't learn to trust Him with the smallest things.
I don't want to beckon Fear, I want to defeat him.
I don't want to rest in my insecurities, I want to find solace in my Savior.
I don't want to create barriers, I want the "Spirit to lead me where my trust is without boarders."
For the next 10 weeks will you throw your fear(s) off, whatever they may be, with me?
Will you rise each day with me to fight this battle against Fear?
Will you choose Faith over Fear?
Because Fear is a close friend to the Enemy. And if we fall prey to fear, we let the Enemy win.
So instead of faces masked with the fear of uncertainty, let us shine forth what we know.
This is our now, but He is watching from the finish line. He knows all. Our God is a big God and we can handle any uncertainty that life may throw us with Him.
Heavenly Father, thank you for loving the broken and messed up people that we are. We are weak by ourselves, especially when we let Fear grip our hearts. But with you, we can do anything. I ask that you would wrap your arms around us and give us the strength to stand and the courage to fight, for your Kingdom.
