A reminder in Aisle 14

Have you ever been on a plane and known that it's was going to be "one of those" flights?

Ya know, the ones with "those" people. 

Well my "those" happened to be 3 women jetting off for a girls weekend (it's Monday...) As soon as they sat down I knew the trip would include lots of interesting conversation that I would be privileged to be within ear shot of. 

These women's lives looked glamorous from the outside. Their designer clothes, white teeth, the well manicured eyebrows and Louis Vuitton bags drew me in with an allure to a secret world I only experienced glimpses of. 

The southern drawl and the y'all's only added to the juiciness of it all. 

But as I listened to their ceaseless conversing I heard nothing but contempt for their "frustrating" husbands, restlessness about their houses, and entitlement in their continuous one upping with their summer plans (no, Bermuda is not in Mexico). 

I couldn't help but look on with a degree of disdain that only increased as they continued to talk about how good it was to get away from their kids/husband, go clubbing, and drink champagne as they munched on their "well tipped/coxed concierge delivered" cupcakes. 

Once I had finished my book and the flight continued on, I was left sitting there a bit nauseated and concerned. 

I  never want to be considered one of "these" women. 

First off, I would never fit in. With my clearance jeans and unwaxed eyebrows, I would stick out like a very sore thumb. 

Second, and most importantly, I would hate to be known as such a surface individual. Don't get me wrong I have my own hang ups and issues, but I don't want to leave this earth and meet Jesus and have Him look at me and ask "Wasn't there more laid out for you? Didn't you see it? I gave you every opportunity and yet you chose to contemplate your worth on the issue of a "house or a plane".

I want to be the girl known for resting in grace and grace alone. 

The things of this world will fade away and crumble to mere dust, and I want to remember that. 

I want to remember that if the opportunity of a custom "contemporary Mediterranean" home becomes a possibility. 

I want to remember that as I build up my husband instead of tearing him and his "nasty shoes" down as I gab with my girlfriends. 

I want to remember that as I discuss my shoes, clothing, and impending purchases of said items.

I want to remember what The Lord has done for me in everything I do. It is only then that I can see the grander plans He has for me. 

And most of the time those plans have nothing to do with a new Rolex or a private plane, but everything to do with a heart open to sharing the great love laid upon us.

I wish those women a safe and enjoyable trip, and thank the good Lord for His reminder as I sat in aisle 14.

 

In her shoes. at 20 years and 11 days.

              

I have been wanting/needing to write this post for some time now...like eleven days.

I wrote last year about my birthday and what I wanted from the year here, and I think its a good tradition to begin.

So here we are, whether its late or not.

Age twenty is interesting. I haven't completely gotten used to the whole idea, yet. Not because I am lamenting my teenage years, but because at twenty I am supposed to be really "living" life.

Big dreams, lots of friends, grand adventures, and throwing caution to the wind.

These are, of course, the world's view on my twenties.

Yet here I sit, on a Sunday night with a cup of Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea. I don't have real "big" dreams. I have friends, but I don't hang out with large groups usually. I don't go on grand adventures, I guess you could say I am a homebody. I certainly am not the type of person who throws caution to the wind.

And oddly enough, i'm okay with all of that.

I don't want my twentieth year to be all about me and the things I do, but what the Lord has done in me and through me.

This year

I want the Lord to teach me to be a woman of grace.

I want the Lord to use me to be a steward of His glory.

I want the Lord to embolden me for His kingdom.

I'm an imperfect perfectionist, who is waiting to be sent and to find love, with a heart that needs to learn how to better bestow grace.

That's me at twenty. And I want to be so much more at twenty one.  

The battle of the F words.

Fear, is mean.

Fear, can keep you up at night.

Fear, knows the hurts.

This Fear, he can control you.

And to be truthful, he knows this Perfectionist well. He knows where it hurts and why.

Did you guess that, or, did you just see a people person hell bent on pleasing?

Fall quarter started yesterday and over the past few days I have been struggling to not agree with what Fear has to say.

Because this is what he believes:

"Taking a dance class, which you have very little experience in, is just flat out crazy. You won't be perfect and will stick out like a sore thumb."

"The unknown of a science class that can be hard to understand and navigate, might just push you over the edge. And, what if the professor is a bit off the wall? Just think of the possibilities."

"Writing for the school news paper? Really? Don't you think you are over extending your abilities here? So what if it's a required class for your major? Doesn't mean you are going to be any good at it."

And my favorite.

"It's all just too scary. Walk away. Do the easy stuff. The stuff that you know and are comfortable with"

Do you hear my fears? Do you see a similarity in my insecurities even if they aren't exactly the same as yours?

And do you want to know the funniest part of my fears?

They all came true.

I am in a ballet class, which I have very very very little experience in. Oh and get this, this class isn't just for intermediate dancers, but, trained very skilled dancers as well. My perfectionist readers out there just had a heart attack, I know this because this heart had one when that little piece of information was made known yesterday.

My Geology class isn't the most structured or the most clear and my professor really should be teaching mad science instead of an Earth science. #thisshouldbefun

And I'm taking a class that will require me to write a story each week for the school paper while sitting in a room with huge computer screens, all the while praying I don't have a huge blinking arrow above my head that says "HEY EVERYBODY! This girl has no clue what she is doing!"

Now sure I could wallow in my fears, drop every class, avoid anything that I don't already have a grasp on, and sit at home watching Netflix.

But, would that truly be considered living?

And if I believe in a God who knows my days down to the very second, which I do, would I be following the commandments laid before me? Would I be truly sharing and showing the love of Christ? Would I be expressing the Gospel by staying barricaded in my room? Because I am sure Siri wouldn't be the one listening.

No.

Because Fear is just the absence of Faith.

If I cannot trust the God who closed the mouths of lions for Daniel, opened the sea for Moses, and placed Esther to rise in His name, on the simplest thing as a quarter at a university, then who am I to think He is going to answer my plea to set foot over seas to profess His name?

Fact is, He won't send me to a land where I can't trust the simplest things if I can't learn to trust Him with the smallest things.

I don't want to beckon Fear, I want to defeat him.

I don't want to rest in my insecurities, I want to find solace in my Savior.

I don't want to create barriers, I want the "Spirit to lead me where my trust is without boarders."

For the next 10 weeks will you throw your fear(s) off, whatever they may be, with me?

Will you rise each day with me to fight this battle against Fear?

Will you choose Faith over Fear?

Because Fear is a close friend to the Enemy. And if we fall prey to fear, we let the Enemy win.

So instead of faces masked with the fear of uncertainty, let us shine forth what we know.

This is our now, but He is watching from the finish line. He knows all. Our God is a big God and we can handle any uncertainty that life may throw us with Him.

Heavenly Father, thank you for loving the broken and messed up people that we are. We are weak by ourselves, especially when we let Fear grip our hearts. But with you, we can do anything. I ask that you would wrap your arms around us and give us the strength to stand and the courage to fight, for your Kingdom.

Summer Part 3: the end.

 

 

Oh boy, here it is. The end of summer has come.

I start school in 6 days.

But, these last days will be spent prepping and adjusting for fall.

So how about that last list.

 

The desert landscape isn't always my favorite but, oh, the wide open space to view some awesome clouds, will never get old. I snapped the shot above on the highway headed home.

 

I scored Essie nail polish for $3.99. Y'all i'm serious. Crazy good deal.

 

And while we are on the subject of nail polish, since fall is around the corner I finally have the excuse to wear dark colors again. My favorite. Forget that cutesy hot pink or poppin' green, give me some deep reds and dark greys and i'm a happy girl.

 

I preordered a No. 41 tee that feeds 100 hundred sweet babes in Rwanda. Which is awesome. Y'all seriously need to go check them out. See the tee here. Also read their sweet story, will ya?

 

This summer I discovered Spits black pepper sunflower seeds. Delicious.

 

I haven't picked up a single book since my last post, but I'm okay with that. This fall I have a class that will require me to read 3 novels in 10 weeks, so needless to say, it might be good to have a break.

 

Ending the summer with a head cold isn't fun.

 

For the last couple of weeks I have been helping my mom out in her elementary school library. It has been fun but it also has included the onset of said head cold. Small kids + germs = my sniffly nose. 

 

I need to get a new backpack, since I have been using the same one for like ever and it's gonna give up on life any day now. Seriously.

 

My mom and I are spending my last weekend of summer together at Women of Faith. Can I get an WHOOO HOOO for girls weekend?

 

......

 

Alright, I'm done with my summer lists.

I hope you all had as blessed of a summer as I did.

Please join me in prayerfully entering fall.

Peace out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm a lot like cake.

 

You see, I needed to bake a cake last night for tonight. It was last minute, it was late, and my mind wasn't all there. I am a scratch kind of girl, but because of the time constraint, boxed it had to be. So I put on some worship music, poured my self a glass of cranberry juice and placed a handful of almonds onto a pretty plate for snacking and began the process. I almost immediately became distracted with trying to do too many things at once and it all went down hill from there.

 

After I piled the ingredients in the bowl and began to mix, I noticed that the batter was unusually thick and by the time I poured it into the pan I had a creeping feeling that something was wrong. It wasn't spreading right, the consistency was off, and I was worried.

 

And then it dawned on me. I used a WHOLE stick of butter when the recipe only called for a 1/3 cup. Needless to say, my blood pressure was rising. Although, I forged on.

 

After being in the oven for only 15 minutes, the cake was done. Even though, the box clearly states it should at least be in the oven for 30 minutes. Uh oh. My mom and her ever encouraging self said to let it cool, go to bed, and check on it in the morning. She was sure it would be fine.

 

If you like VERY dense cake like brownies, then yes, it was right up your alley. But, my perfectionist self was not happy with it.

 

After some brain storming, my mom asked "did the recipe call for water?" I replied (while curling my hair down the hall) "No, I don't think so." And just like that, as soon as the words came out of my mouth, it was like a perfect image of the directions appeared in my brain. OF COURSE, it called for water. And my mom found the box that proved it.

 

So, we had our answer. The great mystery of cake like brownies was solved. And it was all my fault.

 

I was determined to start over and do it right. (there is that perfectionism again.) I crumbled up the original cake to make cake balls at a later date. And this afternoon my mom and I rushed to the store to pick up yet another box of cake mix, so I could prove to myself I could do it, perfectly.

 

The cake this time was a different story. I checked and rechecked my ingredients and stayed as focused as possible. I was not going to fail.

 

And now after it has been frosted, cut up, served, and complimented: I see it.

 

I am just like that first cake.

 

I am constantly trying to do life with my own recipe. And when I forget the Living water, I am messy and not easily moldable. I have too much filler like the greasy butter that tastes great and looks good from the outside, but in actuality is doing more damage than good. And then in the end, I am resistant to the way the baker wants me to be.

 

Yuck. Who wants that cake?

 

And then comes that baker with the grace + mercy. He sometimes will break you down, fill you with some frosting that works like glue to put you back together and use you for another purpose. And then other times He will go to the store and remake you from the ground up as a reminder of his vast plans for you. All the while knowing in His image he made the first cake, prepared and ready to build it up to it's full potential.

 

This. This is what makes the baker renowned. He doesn't give up and throw that cake away. He spends time making it into the creation He has called it to be. Molding and working on it with the sweetest care.

 

Like cake in the arms of mercy.

 

I am so thankful He has opened my eyes to see this lesson that could have been easily glossed over. I must admit, I wasn't planning on sharing this little mishap of mine. It was going to be me and the cake's secret, but I am learning to show the imperfection filled sides of myself.

 

And what better way then to talk about cake?

Summer: Part 2



 

It's time to take on the second part of listing out my summer. And, boy, is this going to be a big one. 

 

I've been avoiding it for this reason alone. It's quite a task. 

 

So lets get started, shall we?

 

First off, do you remember when I said my favorite picture from this year was the one I showed you in this post? Well, the one above. I believe just shot it's way to first. Thanks iPhone. I'm getting it developed and framed asap.

 

I spent about all of July out of state in a land where they say y'all and sweet tea is readily available wherever you go. I got to spend time with sweet relatives that deserve the titles of Aunt and Uncle and their cool kids (who are my cousins. of course). By family ties they are older cousins, but in my heart they are much more.

 

I did more "boy" activities in 4 weeks with my cousins then I have done in my whole life. Lets just say, I received a crash course in all things superheroes, Xbox, and Nerf guns.

 

Blue Bell Buttered Pecan ice cream. That's all i'm going to say, you have to figure out the rest on your own.

 

I learned sharing a bathroom with boys can be an adventure. Read: It is not unusual to find wire strippers and airsoft guns in precarious places. Like, right next to a curling iron.

 

I made numerous trips to a sporting goods store called Academy. For reasons i'm still not completely sure on.

 

Quoting Pitch Perfect happens, at least, once a day. And i'm being generous with the "at least."

 

She Reads Truth has been so life giving and sweet this summer. Learning about the Women in the Bible has been empowering and downright inspiring. We just finished part three out of four, but don't let that stop you from joining us, sister. Monday we begin the last parts of the study, and I hope to see you there.

 

After my trip in July, I had the chance to soak up a week with another awesome Aunt and Uncle that included my sweet HJ. He is pictured above. I absolutely hate the fact that they live so far away, but I will take the time we get together gladly.

 

Harley Jacob. You, Mister, mean bunches and bunches and bunches to me. You are growing up way too darn fast and if I could put life in slow motion just to savor your chubby little feet as they tackle milestones, I would.

 

I paid for Fall quarter's tuition. That was fun. (please know, there is nothing but sarcasm in that statement)

 

Also, I am avoiding ordering books for fall.

 

White Gardenia has got to be one of my favorite scents. Ever, It's right up there with Magnolia, for me. The underlying message here is, I should have been born in the south.

 

So I started Wuthering Heights awhile a really long time ago and i'm not even close to finishing it. I did, however, start and finish a book titled Seventeenth Summer in about 24 hours. I'm moving on to Emma, soon. It's just really really big.

 

I made a cute little bunting banner today, thanks to the Lowe's paint department.

 

As I reach the end of this list, I think it's silly to think someone would want to read about my summer. The whole time I have been writing, the thoughts "these words aren't meaningful" and "what does it matter?" have bounced around in my brain. And I have come to the conclusion, part of being real includes sharing life and sometimes that life doesn't include words that are considered to be profound or deeply thought provoking. It's what happens in the moments that matter. 

 

All in all, my summer continues to be full of blessings. I still have a about a month to experience and document, so stay tuned.

 

Because, it's still summer.

listing out the summer

 

 

Summer lovin', had me a blast, Summer lovin', happened so fast, Met a girl crazy for me, Met a boy cute as can be.....

 

Whoa...sorry about that, I used the title Summer Loving and boom flashback.

 

Two summers ago....or is it 3 now?... I was Patty Simcox from Ridel High. It was real, it was fun, and the show and the tunes will never leave me. I'm serious. Yikes.

 

Want to see proof?

 

 

Well now that I have gotten completely off topic, shall I get to the point? Fabulous.

 

In no particular order {other than numerical}, I give you my Summer thus far.

 

1. I got to flex my Alice Cullen skills and throw a less than 24 hours notice impromptu surprise party with some of my friends.

2. New Girl came to Netflix...needless to say, it has been a marathon.

3. I have a list of books I want to read this summer and for some reason I keep adding to it. Today, I added yet another one, Sheesh. I have knocked out the Cape Refuge series by Terri Blackstock, I am trudging through Wuthering Heights as of this moment as I stare at the enormous Emma by Jane Austen, and all the while partially longing to crack open my two other light hearted stories.

3. Valley Girl, ya know the movie? If you don't, lets just say, they don't make rom-coms like they did in the 80's folks. I'm watching that sucker allllllllllll the time.

4. I'm reading these blogs consistently: seeing joy + naptime diaries . I love these women's hearts. They are real life, sold out to Christ, grace full women. Y'all they are truly such blessings to my heart.  

5. I start with #shereadstruth an 8 week study on Monday about Women of the Bible. I am stoked to say the least. Join us!

6. Messy hair bun days are happening a lot more then I originally planned. This could be due to the miserably hot weather we have been experiencing....or at least I will blame it on that.

7. Oceans by Hillsong United. Have you heard it? It is seriously my go to song. My honest to goodness heart prayer in a song. Listen here.

8. A lot of Kohl's. We will just leave it at that.

9. I went to the Driving Range for the first time, ever. I wasn't sure how much I would enjoy it because 1) I am very competitive with my self. 2) it was real hot and 3) it was, well, golf. I am happy to say, I really did enjoy it, I was proud that I allowed myself to relax and genuinely try something new. I will most definitely be going back.

10.  VBS, oh man, those kids never cease to bless me during that week. And when they pray, sheesh, roll me the tissues. Such vulnerable awesome hearts talking to Jesus, it's awesome.

 

okay, I think that is the highlights from this part of summer. Stay tuned, I'm not real sure how many parts this may turn into.

 

Hope y'all are having a blessed summer!