{From Miles Away}

Greetings from St. Louis!

This past week and a half has been great.

Some much needed time away has been such a blessing.

I plan on giving you the 411 when my feet hit Cali soil again...

But until then, I am soaking up the rest of St. Louie.

Can you tell I am enjoying my stay here?

{Hallways&Isles}

It is always funny how the Lord speaks to me.

While helping Momma out in her Library this past week, I was walking the hall on my way to the cafeteria. Minding my own and focused on my own thoughts.

As I looked up from the ground I noticed a custodian I had met previously, so I smiled at her. She smiled back half chuckling saying "You are always so Smile-y." Not knowing how to respond I said thank you. She then replied "You must have something to smile about." By that time I was at the door of the cafeteria, I smiled at her and quickly walked inside. My first thought to this encounter was, "Lady. You have no clue whats going on in my life. I have acted in plays all through out my school years. I can turn the smile on and off when ever I want. My heart is broken. I am not all smile-y."  Ouch. I know, I was harsh.

As I walked back into the hall headed back towards the Library, I ran into the Computer Science teacher who I had also met previously (I help my mom out in the Library alot during the summer.) I smiled at him. He asked "How are you?" and then very loudly sighed a frustrated sigh. I then chuckled saying "How are you doing?"  in a "I know how you feel tone." He chuckled and walked past.

Once I was back in the Library, those run-ins haunted me.

Both people seemed almost confused why I was smiling.

Heck, sometimes during the day I wonder why I'm smiling.

And then as the day wore on, my brain became busy thinking on other things, so those hallway encounters got set on the back burner.

Now fast forward to the next day.

I was in Target picking up a few things for the house and doing some clearance therapy for myself.

As I was walking through the pantry section, I noticed how absolutely busy every isle was.

It was starting to annoy me when every turn I made gave way to a road block.

I needed De cafe Tea packets and that was all I needed off this particular isle.

But you had a young couple (which they are annoying to me at this point, just because they were a couple in light of recent events) who were standing directly in front of the entrance of the isle and then you had a mom and her three daughters half way down spread across the width of the isle.

So I thought I would be smart and avoid the whole thing while going down the next isle and coming back the other direction.

Half way down the next isle, my brain registers that there is an older gentleman blocking the exit of the isle,

He was looking rather harsh and grumpy. 

I thought "Oh great, here we go again"

So I proceeded to the end of the isle till I couldn't any more and then politely asked excuse me and smiled.

He looked up from the bag of chips he was analyzing with great detail and said "Oh ya" in a brisk tone.

I then smiled again and went to go on my way.

As I was passing him he remarked "Nice smile by the way" in a lighter version of his brisk tone.

Almost to show a smile himself.

I said thank you quickly, and walked into the next isle.

I am sure he could see the shock on my face.

In that, I was instantly reminded of the Hallway encounters from the day before.

The Custodian, Computer Science teacher, and now this guy in the Pantry section at my local Target!

I felt the Lord tug at my heart,

You silly girl. Of course you have something to smile about. Not everything depends on the things that happen to you in this world. I am the reason you should continue to smile. I know everything that will happen to you on this earth. I have a plan for you. You don't know what that is yet, but that's how I like it. You have to trust in me. Completely. I have you just where I want you. Now smile, because you share My love with others even when you are sad and down.

And as we worshiped this morning in Church : "Child of weakness watch and pray. Find in me thine all in all."

Whoa.

How easily I can lose my place.

Of course, He is the reason I need to smile.

For His heartache is far worse than mine will ever be.

He ached for my ransom on that cross.

He aches for those who will never know him.

He carries the burdens of the world on his shoulders.

How can my heartache even come close?

If He chooses to use my smile to brighten other's days and make them wonder why I am always so "Smile-y" even when I don't feel like it, I need to smile.

We as Christians exude His love, we can't chose to not show it.

It isn't our love to freely chose who to give it to.

He may not have even used my smile for me that day, he could have only made me smile because the ones I encountered needed a smiling face to see.

Who knows.

I am in no place to interpret the reasons God does certain things.

All I know is, I was blessed by this.

And I pray the others were as well. 

****Update****

Yesterday, I was blessed again by my previous hallway encounter, the Computer Science teacher.

While helping Momma in the Library, he came into Chat.

During our time he mentioned that last week (the week we crossed paths in the hallways) that his Cousin who was serving over seas was killed in combat and last week was the young man's funeral.

He expressed how much it affected him and how hard last week was for him.

It just once again cements the fact that we need to be in the moment.

Worship God.

Always keep our eyes out, because we never know what others are going through.

And continue to smile.

{Promises}

I was blessed this past June to co-lead a group of third graders with my Momma for our Vacation Bible School at my church.

Every year I am left in awe with these sweet children of the Lord.

The way they sing the worship songs and do the movements to the music.

The way they soak up information like a sponge and yearn to learn more and more.

They way their eyes look as they arrive and get ready to leave, wide eyed and full of excitement.

The way they pray.

This year our theme was, Promise Island.

Basically, It was the promises God made to us.

It was so awesome seeing the bible through their eyes.

It was almost as if I was learning these promises all over again.

Promises like:

I am with You

I care about You

I give you what You need

I will Save You

and

I will answer You

It was an amazing week hearing and seeing God work in those sweet little ones lives and in my life as well.

I found myself seeing God's I will statements more and more in my bible reading.

How awesome is that. To see our Maker and Creator tell us things that are for certain, in this ever uncertain world. 

It comforts my heart.

Even more now, in light of certain events. {If you missed that post, read here }

As of late, I had three empty picture frames. Two on my wall and one next to my bed.

They had become heart aches really, and I needed something to fill them so my heart would be distracted when I looked into them.

Thus led me on the hunt scouring Pinterest for prints to fill them.

I had alot of ideas, but none were really sticking.

Until I found these two Verses.

Two I will statements from the Lord to comfort me.

I have to focus on these promises, these are the only promises that matter in life.

All other promises made by humans could and most of the time will leave you let down and unsatisfied.

Promises from Jesus never will.

My heart is overwhelmed just thinking of that.

...

Now because I can never be exactly the same as others and because my printer (little to my knowledge) was out of ink, the prints have my own spin on them.

Remember this one was supposed to be that pretty Yellow? Yep no color ink, no pretty yellow. So instead I took some stamping chalk and lightly colored in the back round with a pretty peach and the dandelions are a soft and very pretty grey/purple. All in all I love the way this turned out.

This print also required color in it for the cute little pink heart and brown back round. Once again, the printer was out of ink so I improvised. I cut out the main part and glued it to the pretty piece of toffee colored scrap book paper. I also am very pleased with this one.

...

I am still on the look out to fill my last frame, but until then I will find comfort in these promises.

If you have and ideas for another print, let me know!





{Why, Lord}

Before I give you my thoughts for this post, I need to give you a back story first.

Last April, I went on Women's Retreat with my church. A beautiful woman spoke beautiful words to my heart and reminded me that the Lord's plan for my life is what I am to seek constantly. During our weekend on the mountain I shared with the women in my church that I was unsure of where the Lord was taking me in my life and what He wanted from me. And as I was speaking, tears brimmed my eyes as I spoke the words It is Well with my Soul. Whatever He had for me, I was going to repeat those words. Little did I know then....

Now four months later, I find myself saying those same words to something I never thought I would have to.

Or ever want to.

My boyfriend of almost a year and a half came to me about a week ago to inform me that he had felt the Lord tell him he was not the one for me and I was not the one for him. And that he felt he could no longer date me. My world is shattered. We made plans and dreamed together. I had a future life already laid out. In no way did I feel as if the Lord was directing us on different paths.  

Now, in all honesty I am saying It is Well with my Soul.

But, I am also asking why?

There are so many whys, I think I would run out of space trying to list them all.

I feel as if I still haven't completely wrapped my head or heart around it.

I am desperately trying to seek my Lord in this and give it all to Him, but I am struggling to not focus on my plans and my dreams. I am here to live a life for God, not for my own wishes.

Which is extremely hard to do, if I do say so myself,

I am broken hearted and struggling not to tear up and any moment.

Little things hit me in the biggest ways, and that's what makes it hard.

So friends, I express my heart with you because this blog was created to share in everything. The Happiness and Sadness.

I also ask you for prayer. For me, as well as him. I know he did truly love and care about me, so I can only imagine how he is feeling in all of this.

It is going to be a long process, and I sure you will share in my trials with this again.

My only prayer is that I will praise God in all of this.

That He will say to me one day, "Well done, my good and faithful Servant"

So I will meet Him at the cross daily saying,

It is Well with my Soul.

{Each Morning}

--A typical morning for me includes this view, Pajamas in bed with my laptop along with my journal, bible, pens/highlighters, memory verse cards, while sitting crisscross apple sauce--

This morning, I completed my second study with SheReadsTruth.

That means, I have completed 42 solid days (21 days each study) in the bible.

I am proud of myself, for getting in to a routine and sticking to it.

I am blessed by knowing that women all around the world are doing this with me and feeling the Lord working truly in it.

It is awe inspiring.

Our new study starts on Monday August 5th, please join me!

{On My Heart}

It has been on my heart to write for alittle over a week now.

I wanted to share my heart, but I couldn't quite get the words to express my feelings and thoughts.

As I was reading the blogs I follow tonight, it all became clear.

It was like my own thoughts were the fellow womens' as well.

It was as if the Lord gave them their words, so that I could find mine.

Waiting.

We are all waiting on something,

the new school year, the weekend, births, understanding, comfort, needs, a hug, a kiss, a trip, answers.

We all just sit here, waiting.

It is soooo hard not to worry in this period of waiting. And yet I find myself there, ALOT. (You too?)

As I was singing on the worship team this morning, a Hymn I heard a million times previous, hit me in the gut and tears welled up in my eyes.

I have decided to follow Jesus.

"I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back." 

Isn't the act of waiting what fully knowingly we agree to when we decide to follow Jesus?

There is no turning back.

We can't just say, "Oh just kidding, I am not feeling this whole waiting thing today. Next thing please."

We commit to even waiting for Jesus to come and take us all home one day.

How thankful I am for that.

Without the act of waiting, we would not have eternal life.

So who are we to be impatient for earthly things, while we admit to waiting for our time to worship our King eternally?

So here I am waiting. Patient some days, and not so patient others.

I have decided to follow Jesus.

No turning back.

{Colleen}

This post can be simply shortened to two words. Thank you.

...

Most of you know when I registered and applied for college, my heart was being overwhelmed with my desire to be a nurse.

I wanted to love the sick and hurting through Jesus. And Nursing is one of the top ways to do so.

I got praised and congratulated constantly. Of course, how cool would it be if I was actually a nurse?!

But many of you don't know, as my first year of college progressed I couldn't help but get discouraged and second guess my abilities to complete nursing school and actually go into the field. The Department of Nursing Advisers frightened me and I allowed the stress of being a perfectionist to steal my joy.

Unfortunately, my first year ended with the same mood on my career choice with no real other options showing themselves. Sad isn't it?

Now this brings me to, Colleen.

Colleen is a Nurse at San Antonio Hospital in Upland, California.

We crossed paths this past week in terrible circumstances, but the meeting I will never regret.

Why you ask?

She is an amazing nurse.
Truly an inspiration.

Colleen reminded me of how I waned to be as a nurse. A Nurse who not only cared about her patients but also their family members. A Nurse who works hard even while four months pregnant. A Nurse who chooses compassion even when her patients aren't compassionate. A Nurse who prays over her patients and with their family members. A Nurse who sits with her patients if they are not blessed with family.  A Nurse who hugs.

What a blessing it was to see such a nurse in action.

I don't know if she was a Christian or believed in a relationship with God, but when she went to end her shift for the night and gave me a hug I could only get out the words "I want to be a nurse, thank you" before tearing up. She may not have known it, but she had shared God's love with me that day. He was using Colleen to show me that I could be a nurse. I could be just like the nurse I wanted to be. No scary Nurse Advisers or my own perfectionism (is that a word?) would get in the way if the Lord willed it!

How amazing to know that.

I am still praying and seeking God's will for my life, but it is wonderful to see that Nursing can still be a possibility.

So from the bottom of my heart, Thank you Colleen.