{Adjusting}

Adjust: Verb

(used with object)

to change (something) so that it fits, corresponds, or conforms; adapt; accommodate.

To say I am completely adjusted is quite the exaggeration.

It has been a month, folks.

Whats been a month you ask? Read here.

Anyway, I have been avoiding this update because I would have to dig deep and share with you more of my raw human emotion. Which we all know, I have a lot of. (insert laughter)

...

I stared out this post with the definition of the word Adjust because I found it interesting that it is often used with the word object. As in to adjust to something, first you have to object to adjusting.

Go figure.

Well lets be honest, I like to object this.

It wasn't my choice and I don't like it.

I have a small notebook that I wrote down my thoughts day by day on how I was feeling in that minute.

Lets dive in shall we.

The first week of adjusting I was numb and confused.

up at 6:40. had a hard time getting through devotional.hard to concentrate.

wonder what he is doing?

trying not to bring him up in random conversations--failing miserably!

The next week and a half of adjusting I felt like I could take this all on. It wasn't bothering me too much. Although, thoughts of objecting still snuck in.

checked facebook,found posts of encouragement.

doing my best not to focus on him today.---what is he doing?

spent today in thought about missing what could of been then actually missing him. that was hard to swallow.

And then three weeks came around with the ever present official month looming overhead.

I was feeling more insecure with the whole thing.

A month meant it was really really really over.

A lot of objection happening here.

At this point I had stopped writing my thoughts down.

I was fine, remember?

Not.

As the third week rolled on, I was feeling a bit woe as me, but I was trying to ignore it.

So while mindlessly scrolling through facebook I see one of my friends had received a promise ring from her boyfriend.

I lost it.

Now before I go on, you must know I love my friend and I am very happy for her. I pray that this relationship will honor God and He will bless them greatly.

But my flesh took over for the minute and I broke down.

I thought--We were together longer! That should have been me! or the typical this isn't fair!

I know, I was real original.

While in the middle of my pitty party, the Lord prompted me to bring my tears into the bible.

So I went to Ecclesiastes 3.

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Ecc. 3:1-4

These lines validated my heart ache.

The Lord says we can have a time to heal, a time to cry, a time to grieve, laugh, and dance.

Basically, a time to object and adjust.

Thank you Lord!

What a sweet blessing from Him.

Like I said, obviously I am not completely adjusted as of this moment.

But I am working on it.

I give it to the Lord each and every day because without Him, I am not sure how I would be adjusting.

He has a plan for me, and I have to choose to seek that.

Some days that may even mean I am giving it to Him every hour.

We may roll the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall.

Proverbs 16:33

...those who trust the Lord will be joyful

Proverbs 16:20

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?

Proverbs 20:24

And then other days it means, I sit at His feet asking why and sharing with Him my sorrow.

O God, Listen to my cry!

Hear my prayer!

From the ends of the earth I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed.

Psalm 61:1-2

Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.

Proverbs 14:13

So that's where my heart is, friends.

No more objecting.

I'm adjusting.