beauties blogging books: projects + vision

I can finally sit down and write for the second week of beauties blogging books. I have enjoyed a Chai Tea Latte, White Christmas is playing in the background, and the house is quiet.

During this week's reading Emma meets Harriet Smith, a lovely young woman born into a less established family. Emma almost instantly decides to make this girl a friend and soon turns the opportunity to refine Harriet's manners and poise into a project. This project also turns into an attempted match up between Harriet and a gentleman named Mr. Elton, in which Emma orchestrates.

Emma's character is the type to become consumed and a bit obsessed with her "projects" or match making schemes. So much so, she often seems to lose sight of the big picture. As her plan continues to play out, i'm sure her narrowed vision will cause some issues.

I must confess, seeing Emma's narrow vision has helped me feel better about my inconsistency with this project. This break seems to be flying by and the time I have spent on this book blogging has been far less than I originally planned. I have felt slightly burdened by my lack of focus on it, but seeing a character with such centered focus I am reminded that this is something I took on to do as a break. It isn't to cause stress or frustration. So in actuality, my lack of narrow vision is better. I can choose to sit and watch Netflix instead of read and be okay with it.

Who knew Emma would teach me that?

Along with the lesson I thoroughly enjoy the way Miss Austen wrote Emma's thoughts, they are sarcastic and witty. And I can't help but chuckle when I read some of them.

For instance:

While chatting with Mr. Elton about drawing a rendering of Miss Smith, Mr. Elton compliments Emma on her own drawings.

Emma's first thought was: "You know nothing about drawing. Don't pretend to be in raptures about mine. Keep your raptures for Harriet's face."

She is a polite woman, so she only thinks these things, but I for one appreciate her honesty.

Y'all make sure to go check out Kelly at the D+D for her take on week 2 and I'll see ya next week!

beauties blogging books: book character soul sister

So I started reading Emma by Jane Austen last week when Kelly and I began our beauties blogging books project. It was finals week, and surprisingly, I didn't have much going on.

Fast forward five days: I feel like this winter break has already started to fly by and I'm not real certain where my reading time has gone. Let's just say I didn't get as much reading done as I had hoped for this post, but bear with me. I'm sure there is a nugget of goodness buried within here some where.

Since the book is not mine and I have been referred to as an excessive underline-er/commentator, I decided I would save us all the trouble and just use a notebook. By the end of reading page four I had already used up a whole page of notepaper. Oh, boy. If that's not a sign on how the reading process is going to be, I don't know what is.

Anywho. By page four and my full page of notes, I realized, through my brief encounter with Emma, we were in fact pretty similar.

You see, Emma isn't a fan of change.

When I learned this, my ever loving consistency thriving heart shouted "Oh, man. Girl. I hear you. Preach sister."

For a quick run down: Emma's best friend/governess Miss Taylor recently got married and has moved away. Leaving Emma to deal with losing her live in confidante and the changes that comes along with that.

Although Miss Taylor didn't move far away, there wasn't any texting or email or instagram to keep each other updated during this time. Going from seeing each other 24/7 to once or twice a week with very little communication in between, I can see this gal's heartache for change.

Through it all though, Emma is focused on not succumbing to the sadness and frustration change can bring. She continuously puts on a brave face as she begins to chart these new waters.

I for one have never dealt with an issue like this, but I'm glad to know I have a soul book character sister.  I appreciate her reaction and attitude, because sometimes I need a reminder on the right ways to handle change.

Also, the author describes Emma as seeming "to unite some of the best blessings of existence." Which I think is pretty awesome, I mean, who doesn't want to be described as that? 

I am really excited to read more into her and the general story of it all. 

This post seems pretty surface, but I promise better is coming. Fingers crossed.

If you want a more educated and witty response to our first week of reading, please go visit Kelly at the D+D. That girl has it going on this week. Promise. Here is the link to her first post: here.

P.s. It's her birthday today, so please send some bday wishes her way when you stop in! 

See ya next week! 

beauties blogging books: the beginning

         

In honor of winter break and the borrowed book I have been waiting to read for what seems like forever, I am going to blog through my reading of Jane Austen's Emma. 

This book isn't a quick read, and for my own sanity and enjoyment I thought it would be fun to use the blog as an accountability partner. Also, my girl Kelly (lender of said book) over at Daisies and Daydreams decided to join in on the "fun" and blog through one of the books she borrowed from me (The Looking Glass Wars by Frank Beddor). 

Who could resist this winter break/coffee shop/book swap/blogging extravaganza? 

Our alliteration loving selves just couldn't. 

Shall we introduce ourselves?

--Hi. I’m Kelly. I’m a ginger. #rockitlikearedhead. I’m really weird and geeky, and I love reading. Clarissa thinks I’m “witty”, but I suspect that’s just because she appreciates the ridiculously lame puns that I come up with on occasion. I love hot beverages of almost any sort—mostly because I despise being cold. Besides that, there’s not much to me. I’m pretty average. *Disclaimer: My blog is significantly less fancy. I’m not as tech-savvy as Clarissa is so bear with me. Thanks.

--Hello There! I'm Clarissa. Yes just like the 90's show with Melissa Joan Heart, although i'm not certain I explain it all, all the time.  Here is three things you should know about me: I enjoy the ironies in life. For instance I have an obsession with shoes, but I have a serious attachment to going bare foot. I dig all things vintage and often feel I was born in the wrong era. And finally, I am a perfectionist constantly battling to accept my imperfections. P.s. This became exceedingly cooler when Kelly agreed to join in on this adventure.

So, the tentative plan for now is to blog weekly about the books. This can include favorite quotes, character break down/analysis, and life relatables. 

I'll link to D+D's as well. And maybe there will be a swap day, who knows. There are so many possibilities! 

Grab a cup of coffee and please join us as we navigate through blogging a couple of novels. It's gonna rock. 

the battle and the war

One of the many beautiful sunrises I have experienced on the way to school.

Early in the quarter I wrote here about my battle with fear and its grip on me.

The quarter will end this coming Thursday and its time to come clean and unpack the battle.

Here's the deal, y'all. In the beginning I was consciously going into each day with a plan to fight fear, but somewhere along the way I lost the consciousness of it all and settled into a comfortable half way point.

You see, part way through the battle I began to lose a sense of fear and live day to day with a sense of understanding. I got used to these new circumstances and they didn't affect me in the same ways.

In my dance class, there was a routine established. I knew that there was going to be a bar exercise first and then floor work was only going to last about 45 minutes. It was doable and I was able to use the routine as a coping mechanism when the hard stuff came up.

In Geology, however crazy or annoying my professor was being, I knew that the ranting would end after an hour and 50 minutes. Sure his constant late arrivals and half explained assignments took their toll, but I was able to filter what I really needed to focus on. It took ten weeks and a lot of prayer to get to that complete mindset, but I got there.

And with Newspaper, I was able to establish friendships and begin to understand the ways of the newspaper biz. It was fun to complete an article and see my name in print. My professor turned out to be pretty awesome as well.

So I guess what I have come to the conclusion of is this: early on I made the decision to fight fear and focus on the Lord's already mapped out plan for my quarter. I decided to see it  for what it was, a good plan, and choose to make the best of it. Because I did this, I didn't have to consciously battle fear in every moment. And since I rested in that, I began to even enjoy parts of these "out of my comfort zone" places.

I know this quarter was only a battle and not the war. I cant forget this focus, but I know I grew from the experiences these classes provided and I can entertain the thought of Winter quarter with a lighter heart.

Praise the good Lord in Heaven, I made it through!

Do y'all have any stories on how you battled your Fear? If so, I would love to hear.

A reminder in Aisle 14

Have you ever been on a plane and known that it's was going to be "one of those" flights?

Ya know, the ones with "those" people. 

Well my "those" happened to be 3 women jetting off for a girls weekend (it's Monday...) As soon as they sat down I knew the trip would include lots of interesting conversation that I would be privileged to be within ear shot of. 

These women's lives looked glamorous from the outside. Their designer clothes, white teeth, the well manicured eyebrows and Louis Vuitton bags drew me in with an allure to a secret world I only experienced glimpses of. 

The southern drawl and the y'all's only added to the juiciness of it all. 

But as I listened to their ceaseless conversing I heard nothing but contempt for their "frustrating" husbands, restlessness about their houses, and entitlement in their continuous one upping with their summer plans (no, Bermuda is not in Mexico). 

I couldn't help but look on with a degree of disdain that only increased as they continued to talk about how good it was to get away from their kids/husband, go clubbing, and drink champagne as they munched on their "well tipped/coxed concierge delivered" cupcakes. 

Once I had finished my book and the flight continued on, I was left sitting there a bit nauseated and concerned. 

I  never want to be considered one of "these" women. 

First off, I would never fit in. With my clearance jeans and unwaxed eyebrows, I would stick out like a very sore thumb. 

Second, and most importantly, I would hate to be known as such a surface individual. Don't get me wrong I have my own hang ups and issues, but I don't want to leave this earth and meet Jesus and have Him look at me and ask "Wasn't there more laid out for you? Didn't you see it? I gave you every opportunity and yet you chose to contemplate your worth on the issue of a "house or a plane".

I want to be the girl known for resting in grace and grace alone. 

The things of this world will fade away and crumble to mere dust, and I want to remember that. 

I want to remember that if the opportunity of a custom "contemporary Mediterranean" home becomes a possibility. 

I want to remember that as I build up my husband instead of tearing him and his "nasty shoes" down as I gab with my girlfriends. 

I want to remember that as I discuss my shoes, clothing, and impending purchases of said items.

I want to remember what The Lord has done for me in everything I do. It is only then that I can see the grander plans He has for me. 

And most of the time those plans have nothing to do with a new Rolex or a private plane, but everything to do with a heart open to sharing the great love laid upon us.

I wish those women a safe and enjoyable trip, and thank the good Lord for His reminder as I sat in aisle 14.

 

In her shoes. at 20 years and 11 days.

              

I have been wanting/needing to write this post for some time now...like eleven days.

I wrote last year about my birthday and what I wanted from the year here, and I think its a good tradition to begin.

So here we are, whether its late or not.

Age twenty is interesting. I haven't completely gotten used to the whole idea, yet. Not because I am lamenting my teenage years, but because at twenty I am supposed to be really "living" life.

Big dreams, lots of friends, grand adventures, and throwing caution to the wind.

These are, of course, the world's view on my twenties.

Yet here I sit, on a Sunday night with a cup of Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea. I don't have real "big" dreams. I have friends, but I don't hang out with large groups usually. I don't go on grand adventures, I guess you could say I am a homebody. I certainly am not the type of person who throws caution to the wind.

And oddly enough, i'm okay with all of that.

I don't want my twentieth year to be all about me and the things I do, but what the Lord has done in me and through me.

This year

I want the Lord to teach me to be a woman of grace.

I want the Lord to use me to be a steward of His glory.

I want the Lord to embolden me for His kingdom.

I'm an imperfect perfectionist, who is waiting to be sent and to find love, with a heart that needs to learn how to better bestow grace.

That's me at twenty. And I want to be so much more at twenty one.  

The battle of the F words.

Fear, is mean.

Fear, can keep you up at night.

Fear, knows the hurts.

This Fear, he can control you.

And to be truthful, he knows this Perfectionist well. He knows where it hurts and why.

Did you guess that, or, did you just see a people person hell bent on pleasing?

Fall quarter started yesterday and over the past few days I have been struggling to not agree with what Fear has to say.

Because this is what he believes:

"Taking a dance class, which you have very little experience in, is just flat out crazy. You won't be perfect and will stick out like a sore thumb."

"The unknown of a science class that can be hard to understand and navigate, might just push you over the edge. And, what if the professor is a bit off the wall? Just think of the possibilities."

"Writing for the school news paper? Really? Don't you think you are over extending your abilities here? So what if it's a required class for your major? Doesn't mean you are going to be any good at it."

And my favorite.

"It's all just too scary. Walk away. Do the easy stuff. The stuff that you know and are comfortable with"

Do you hear my fears? Do you see a similarity in my insecurities even if they aren't exactly the same as yours?

And do you want to know the funniest part of my fears?

They all came true.

I am in a ballet class, which I have very very very little experience in. Oh and get this, this class isn't just for intermediate dancers, but, trained very skilled dancers as well. My perfectionist readers out there just had a heart attack, I know this because this heart had one when that little piece of information was made known yesterday.

My Geology class isn't the most structured or the most clear and my professor really should be teaching mad science instead of an Earth science. #thisshouldbefun

And I'm taking a class that will require me to write a story each week for the school paper while sitting in a room with huge computer screens, all the while praying I don't have a huge blinking arrow above my head that says "HEY EVERYBODY! This girl has no clue what she is doing!"

Now sure I could wallow in my fears, drop every class, avoid anything that I don't already have a grasp on, and sit at home watching Netflix.

But, would that truly be considered living?

And if I believe in a God who knows my days down to the very second, which I do, would I be following the commandments laid before me? Would I be truly sharing and showing the love of Christ? Would I be expressing the Gospel by staying barricaded in my room? Because I am sure Siri wouldn't be the one listening.

No.

Because Fear is just the absence of Faith.

If I cannot trust the God who closed the mouths of lions for Daniel, opened the sea for Moses, and placed Esther to rise in His name, on the simplest thing as a quarter at a university, then who am I to think He is going to answer my plea to set foot over seas to profess His name?

Fact is, He won't send me to a land where I can't trust the simplest things if I can't learn to trust Him with the smallest things.

I don't want to beckon Fear, I want to defeat him.

I don't want to rest in my insecurities, I want to find solace in my Savior.

I don't want to create barriers, I want the "Spirit to lead me where my trust is without boarders."

For the next 10 weeks will you throw your fear(s) off, whatever they may be, with me?

Will you rise each day with me to fight this battle against Fear?

Will you choose Faith over Fear?

Because Fear is a close friend to the Enemy. And if we fall prey to fear, we let the Enemy win.

So instead of faces masked with the fear of uncertainty, let us shine forth what we know.

This is our now, but He is watching from the finish line. He knows all. Our God is a big God and we can handle any uncertainty that life may throw us with Him.

Heavenly Father, thank you for loving the broken and messed up people that we are. We are weak by ourselves, especially when we let Fear grip our hearts. But with you, we can do anything. I ask that you would wrap your arms around us and give us the strength to stand and the courage to fight, for your Kingdom.